Daylight turned to darkness and back again in succession, as the rising column of whitish smoke in turn blotted and revealed the sun. Darker smoke hugged the ground. Heat welled up from the ground just as it had in Sam's dream. He had once removed the cover when his father, Jerry, and he had been baking cookies in the kiln. The heat surrounding him now seemed hotter, and this heat wrapped all around him unlike the heat from the oven's interior.
The man in the yellow firefighting gear was almost standing in the flaming underbrush burning twenty feet from where the boy stood. The firefighter didn't seem worried about the fire near the ground. From a hose connected to a brush engine a hundred and fifty feet away he alternately wetted the crowns of the trees and the sides of the nearby building, waiting for the fire to pass.
Sam, JT and a few nuns had the job of policing the embers that swirled up from the main body of fire, sparks shedding from their edges and then occasionally falling, still glowing, near the building. He and the nuns carried heavy blankets with which to smother any small fires engendered by the embers. Jerry was behind the firefighter helping him reposition the hose as the fire erupted in new places or from old ones from which the water had vaporized. Other nuns carried plastic five-gallon buckets of water, applying the contents outside the immediate range of the hoses.
Sam used an N-95 respirator from OD's cache over his mouth and nose, but the mask couldn't entirely exclude the powerful, acrid smell of the vegetation in transformation to heat and ash. All who worked with him also had respirators of various kinds, laboring to breathe through the masks. For the first time Sam understood what OD experienced every time he worked the horses. Without the mask he didn't think he would have been able to breathe. Only the firefighter worked without respiratory protection, like the Agni of the boy's dream. Only Jerry's presence gave Sam a sense of safety as they worked. Once in a while, Sam would look at JT and they would smile behind their masks. How many boys had summers like this?
OD, Marshall, the girls, and his other adult relatives were working at other buildings on the monastery property or helping arrange shelter for families whose homes had burned. Jonathan was working at Klickitat Valley Hospital and Jason was working at a medical-aid station near the fire line.
By mid-afternoon, dozers and heavy equipment along with newly arrived engines and water tenders were working the fire. The resources were now adequate to contain the fire from extending toward more homes and farms, although the fire had jumped US-97 and burned a couple of acres to its west. BLM and USFS equipment were cutting fire lines to the north of the fire, and the wind wasn't shifting, so the fire made no sudden changes of direction. Firefighters were still working in the center of the burn area to eliminate new threats to homes from which people had been evacuated.
They all had been at it since early morning, and by early afternoon the effort seemed to have saved the monastery buildings but apparently not a dozen houses between St. John's and the eastern border of the burned area.
The Red Cross was sheltering many families. That only ten or twelve homes had been lost was the result of determined efforts by firefighters and volunteers. The camp where the firefighters rested when they were off the line was partly staffed by community members who understood the effort of the men and women on the fire line. In all, nearly three hundred firefighters and incident managers worked the fire.
The crews would mop up hot spots for a couple of days before people were allowed to go back to either saved or lost homes. By the next summer, much of the char would be gone, replaced by a single-minded nature's drive toward recovery, erasing what had been started, investigators determined, by someone camping in the wilderness beyond most of the habitations in the area.
Sam and the rest of the extended family helped pick up and store fire equipment and made certain that the nuns of St. John's had what they needed to get by the next few nights. The icons would be returned the next morning, but the goats would stay with Vi and her boys for a few days until the feed situation at the monastery was sorted out.
A weary but happy clan gathered at Turing House for dinner. Over a very simple meal, they chatted about their experience fighting fire and their wonder at the power of nature — heat, convection, chemistry. When they had all spilled their cups of emotion, Jonathan said matter-of-factly, "I don't think we'll make it to the mountain this summer."
All remained still for a few moments. Finally, Vee said, "That's too bad, but this was … this was bonding, as well … going into danger together."
Marshall told his sister, "That's a good way to describe what we did." The girl smiled because her usual near-constant verbal jousting with her brother covered her need for his approval.
#
The next morning, Sam bounced down the stairs to find OD in the kitchen making breakfast. "You sleep better?"
"I did; no dreams last night," the boy answered with a smile.
"How about we take our trip to Stonehenge this morning before the heat really sets in?"
Of all the experiences Sam treasured, and thirteen-year-old boys count treasures, the hours OD spent with him at the monument were the greatest treasure — the hours alone with the unusual father. His dad was an open book to him, but OD was a mystery, a probability distribution instead of a single point toward which the boy was always reaching. This was all Lucas could be as a father, but the boy never doubted OD's love and willingness to talk about important things — other than the times before he had joined Jim and Tom's family.
Their trips to Sam Hill's World War I memorial often found them alone at the site. This morning, holding hands, they read the plaque on the altar stone as they did every year. Lucas felt a firmer grasp on his hand, as if the boy were trying to pin him to a fixed place in his life. As they moved to sit on the ground inside the circle, Lucas did what he always did: without fear, begin the discussion that might be more uncomfortable than usual.
"You're having a rough time this year. Anything I can help with?"
"You won't want to talk about it."
Lucas shoved his normal reticence aside. "If it's important to you, we'll talk about it. What is special about these talks at Stonehenge is that no topic is off limits."
Looking OD directly in the face, Sam told the man his greatest fear. "I don't know why I feel it now, but I feel as if you're going to get sick."
"I think the odds are that I will eventually. I have some subtle signs."
Sam interrupted, "What signs?"
"My CD-4 count is trending lower and my viral load is trending up. Nothing spectacular."
Now the boy became angry, and he grabbed Lucas's hand, almost yanking the man toward him. "And you didn't think I'd want to know? I'm not a temporary boarder, you know."
"Slow down. If I thought the changes were significant I would have told you."
"Does Dad know?"
"Yes."
"But not me. I need you to promise you'll tell me things like this."
"You have a lot on your mind these days. I don't want to complicate your life without good reason."
"Remember when you were my age? Did you want adults deciding what you could handle?"
Lucas thought for a bit. He knew the boy was right, but then he wasn't in the habit of sharing this kind of news, even with Jerry. After being chastened, he had finally promised Jerry to share news about his test results, and now he decided to do the same with his son. The thought that lack of knowledge about his condition produced anxiety in others was strange to him. "Okay. I'll keep you in the loop about my lab results. Now, you be clear with me about what's really upsetting you."
Sam looked at the man as if he were contemplating a village idiot. "You're shitting me, right? I have no idea what Dad and I will do if you get sick and …"
"Die?"
Now the boy started crying. He had cried this summer more than he could remember in his life before, and he didn't like the feeling of weakness that came with the tears, especially in front of OD. Crying in front of Marshall was bad enough. "Yes," he whispered under the tears.
Lucas could still remember how feeling lost felt, and he didn't want to chance Sam reacting as he had to that feeling. "When I first came to this place and I thought I'd have to keep running from a life I hated, I cried in one of the bedrooms at JG's. There's nothing bad about crying, and I cried because I felt that I had glimpsed paradise and was about to lose it. I knew there was no way they would let me stay there, and I wouldn't go back to foster homes in Portland.
"Sam, at that moment I was lost. You're not lost, except maybe in fear. You and your dad will do fine when I die, and although statistically improbable, I may be the one who has to carry on without you two."
Sam leaned into his father, sniffling. Trying to smile, he told OD, "I'm not letting you off that easy."
"I'm not much for wishing, but I hope you won't. I'm also not worried about dying. I don't think it's useful to waste energy thinking about death."
"It doesn't bother you that you won't see Dad or me again?"
"No, it doesn't. Look, I want to be here for you now. Should I let some preoccupation with death cloud the time we enjoy now?"
Sam thought about the point. "No, I guess not."
"You shouldn't be preoccupied with the giganormous number of things that might happen. Look clearly at what is happening."
OD had pronounced the first part of the word as he would in the term, gigabyte. "Giganormous? Is that a technical term?"
"Maybe a self-coined one, but yes."
Leaning together with Sam's head on OD's shoulder until the boy's tears stopped, Lucas suddenly was aware that the boy was as tall as he was, that Sam had to cant his head downward to reach his shoulder.
As they sat in silence, Lucas thought of the decision to adopt the boy. He had been the driver of the decision. Before they married in Washington, he and Jerry had agreed that they wanted to give a child a home, and Jerry had waited patiently until Lucas was ready. Adoption seemed a part of the DNA of his generation, and had Annie and North not been able to conceive children, they would have adopted.
Jerry had been deeply surprised at how Lucas took to childrearing, and Lucas remembered holding Sam on his lap as he contemplated problems on an ever-present whiteboard. He had discovered that paying attention to the little boy improved his work, and something in him found that discharging his responsibilities to the boy was joyful. Samuel Marshall, his son's namesake, had anchored the concept of responsibility in the thirteen-year-old Lucas at this very place. Samuel Marshall had been right about Lucas, and now the man that old Marshall had foreseen was putting his resources to use trying to help kids whose lives were as his had been.
"I know you don't like to talk about how you grew up, but I am curious. Your early life is a blank space in my understanding of you."
Lucas had assiduously avoided talking with the boy about his early years. In a way, though, he could credit the boy's request. He had no idea of the history of his biological parents, and he had felt no need to understand anything about the series of foster parents who had cared for him to one degree or another. He didn't like talking about himself, period. "What do you want to know? I think Uncle North and your Uncle Jason have probably told you more about how I came to Goldendale than I would have."
"No, they tell me to ask you. When did you first know you were gay?"
"The answer is a bit complicated. No father wants a son to think badly of him."
"I won't; I promise."
Lucas smiled at the boy. "The real answer is that there was no flash of insight. I was always attracted to boys, but I liked girls as well — in retrospect just not in the same way. I'm really uncomfortable going into specifics, but my understanding of sex was distorted by sexual abuse and because I learned that I could get what I needed on the street by selling myself."
Sam was visibly shaken by the revelation. "I'm sorry, OD."
"Thanks, Sam. My early experiences with sex really made it hard for me to figure out how many of my sexual feelings were my own and how many were the result of my circumstance. By the time I was your age I had that figured out. When I met your Uncle Jon and Uncle Jason at the resource center, I was a handful — you know, queer; here, get used to it. At first I sort of lusted after them, but then I figured out that they were a couple, and, as I learned about where Jason lived, I understood that I was attracted to the way they had made a life together. So, I found my way to Goldendale. No destiny involved, just coincidence."
"So you didn't meet Uncle North until later?"
"Yep. I met my brother-to-be when I made my first excursion to Goldendale. Your Uncle North… now … I found hot, but he was straight and he had Annie, who became a great friend. She was very patient with my crush on her man. When I was going through the adoption process, I found out I was positive, probably infected by one of the adults who had sex with me. I tried to run away before they pushed me away, but North and your grandfathers caught me as I fell. I really can't explain why they put up with me, except that it's their nature. I did what I needed to do at the time, but that kind of life isn't what any kid should have."
"You're nothing like the people who abused you. I've always known how much you love me, and that's why I'm afraid of what will happen when you're gone. Maybe nothing of you will be left, but Dad and I will still be here."
"Don't ever think that your dad isn't a lion. He's just not as cynical as I am. That can't have escaped you." The boy nodded. "You'll be in the best hands you could be in. I'm not very happy when people push me to do things I don't want to do, but I'm very happy that Annie pushed me to go after your dad. I can't think of anyone else who would have put up with me, much less helped me as he has. You'll be fine no matter what happens."
"I guess, but I'll miss coming here with you."
"You'll find someone else to bring here. What about Markie?"
"I find girls very confusing."
"I wish I could give you some insight, but I haven't any."
"Did you ever hope I'd be gay?"
"Nope, and that's no bullshit. Besides, I'm not sure growing up straight is that much easier than growing up gay."
Sam almost mentioned his suspicions about Marshall's orientation but stopped short. The two hoisted themselves from the ground as another car pulled into the parking lot. Sam hugged OD tightly, feeling better that his father had risked as much discomfort as he had.
#
"Dr. Jansen, we need to talk again. Something's come up."
"What does that mean?"
"I'd really rather talk in person."
"Well, I'd really rather not talk at all, so unless you can provide a good reason, I'm going back to thinking about topology."
"Jeremy Foster."
"Fuck! This guy is a genuine pain in my ass, and not in a pleasant way. How about if we meet at Ayutla?"
"Great for me. Half-hour?"
"Done."
After the morning at Stonehenge, Sam and Markie went out riding with Jason and some of the others. Lucas found Jerry in the studio. He stopped to watch his husband working on a piece that at this point was in clay but which would be cast later. In some ways he thought that he and Jerry shared the quality of being able to see what is not there. Jerry formed the unseen with his hands while he formed the unseen with his mind. When he first moved to Goldendale, he had resigned himself to never having the kind of relationships that his brother and his friends had. He didn't see himself as deserving of that kind of love and trust. Jerry had changed that.
Their courtship was gradual, and sex was delayed because of the disease. Lucas finally understood. You could merit love and never receive love, and you could not merit love and find it. Jerry's sense of humor matched his; the man was wonderfully playful and patient. If he persisted, he could find the source of Lucas's fears and passions and his moods, and his love engendered his effort to do so. When he had first asked Jerry how he could love him, Jerry had said that despite all the work and struggle, he was happy in his life with Lucas and that he had no idea why he loved him, but didn't think it worthwhile to spend time asking why.
"I'm running over to Ayutla for lunch. Homeland Security has summoned me."
"That probably isn't good."
"Something about that cretin Jeremy. I don't expect to be long."
Lucas walked across the highway and then south through the town. The white van was parked outside the restaurant, which had just opened for the day. He found Chertov seated in a booth with a menu in hand. Luis, the son of the man who ran the restaurant when he had first eaten there years earlier, greeted him.
"Lucas, you meeting that guy?" the young man asked, gesturing toward Chertov.
"Yeah, just a visitor." Lucas took a seat opposite the agent; he didn't need the menu.
Chertov was munching on homemade tortilla chips dipped in homemade salsa. "Not too much cilantro; this is great."
Lucas wasn't interested in chips or salsa. "I don't have much time for you. What's happened?"
The agent looked almost hurt that the professor wasn't going to engage in banalities. He admired the man, but he knew that becoming friendly with assignments never worked out well. "My partner met with Jeremy and basically bullied him into admitting that he had talked with one of the subjects whose pictures the sheriff showed you. I told you earlier that I thought this would come to nothing, but I've changed my mind. I'd characterize the threat as credible, and I've let the sheriff and my supervisors know."
"Credible? What do you think will happen?"
"The end point is that we'll find them and end the threat. Between now and then, I'm worried that you or the people around you could be subject to attack."
"In fucking Goldendale?" The question came out a little louder than intended, and the waiter looked over at the booth before walking over.
"You guys know what you want?"
Chertov looked at Lucas, letting him decide. "Huevos for both of us, please, Luis."
When Luis had disappeared into the kitchen, Chertov observed in a quiet voice, "You're disconcerted, and I don't blame you. Beyond the obvious, I can't tell you why you've been targeted. These guys aren't international terrorists, but they are on what they think is God's mission. People like this are worrisome. We are very fortunate that we got wind of what they are planning before you ended up hurt or dead."
Lucas sighed. He thought about and calculated probabilities for a living, and this calculation was straightforward. "We'll stick close to home."
"You need to cancel your plans and tell your visitors to stay home. The local cops and the two of us are all you have in the way of protection. We can't protect you if you're part of a crowd and you're traipsing all over the place."
"I'm told I have a touch of stubbornness, but I haven't been irresponsible since I turned fourteen. I'll talk with my family, and we'll decide by the end of the day."
Luis appeared with their lunches, or perhaps breakfasts. With the first bite in his mouth the young agent closed his eyes and smiled. "These are fine."
"Old family recipe."
"One more thing. I need to check out your place more thoroughly. I'll try not to make the kids anxious."
"The kids are already anxious. I don't know what experience you have with adolescents, but these aren't exactly typical. You should be careful that they don't make you anxious. We have good people working at the farms; they'll keep the place safe."
Chertov considered giving up the argument. He couldn't. "I'm sure you can take care of yourselves in most circumstances, but this one is different from others you've faced. Assassinations are in my area of expertise. I need to see the farm, the buildings, and the terrain."
Lucas thought the man's approach was well played. "All right. Two conditions: one, you let me know when you're on the property, and two, your partner doesn't come with you. The conditions aren't negotiable."
"Thanks, Dr. Jansen. I appreciate it."
"I think you'd better call me Lucas."
#
While most of the adults held court at Turing House instead of going camping on the mountain, North and Jonathan drove the kids into Portland for an overnight stay at the condo in the Pearl District. The kids, especially Vee, suspected that the trip was a dodge to get the younger people out of the way.
Vee tried to pry the real reason for the trip from her mother before they left, but Annie couldn't be manipulated. The girl tried her father on the way to the city, and North, a little less guarded, told her only that the adults thought that after the fire the kids could use a little cheerful distraction, and that he wanted to pick up Frank Gerard before the return trip. North could see that he hadn't satisfied his daughter at all — no surprise.
At Turing House, Lucas was finishing a description of the problem. Jim, Jason, Annie, and Vi hadn't realized the full extent of the danger. When Lucas reached the end of the tale, they were all silent for a few minutes. Finally, Vi told Lucas, "Lay out the options."
"The first is that we treat the threat as a phantom. We don't change anything. The second is that we let the kids and their guardians make the decision and have some or all of the kids come out. The third is that we postpone the visits for a week or two and hope that the cops solve the problem. The fourth is that we cancel everything."
"We can't let the kids from the Center stay at the motel. For one thing, we'd all be vulnerable during the trip to and from there, and for another, putting them in harm's way isn't an option, so maybe we should just call it off this year," Annie said.
Jerry added, "You're right, of course, but what if the cops don't find these idiots? How long will we be hostage?"
After a few moments when they were all struggling with the dislocation Lucas's news had produced, casting about for good answers, Jim asked, "Could we manage all the kids and their minders on the property here?"
Jerry looked at Lucas, and an agreement formed between them. "We could take a couple of the kids here." He looked over at Lucas, grinned, and said: "Markie and Sam could double up." Lucas gave him the finger.
Jim added, "I know the trip means a lot to Armin, and he won't get a second chance. He's set to stay with me, anyway. Even if all he does is hang out somewhere other than Celilo or home, he'd be happy. Maybe Vi can take the other two from the Center. I bet JT would be happy for the company."
Jason nodded. Lucas's expression was neutral. "Half the point of getting them out here is to let them ride horses and get out to the observatory. I guess the other half is to let them see how our families manage. In this case, the lack of the perfect shouldn't prevent the good enough."
Annie summed up. "Seeing if someone catches these guys in a week or two makes sense. But if not, unless we hear clear advice from Sheriff Morgan or the Homeland Security guys to the contrary and if their guardians are okay with them coming under the circumstances, we're still a go. If some kids have to drop out, there's a waiting list for others. Rodrigo and Ben can keep an eye on the perimeter of the property, so the kids won't be cooped up all day, and I'm sure that Sheriff Morgan will keep an eye on us."
#
"I'm going to suggest we go to Klub Z."
Marshall looked down the empty hallway and then walked through the open door of the bedroom that Vee was sharing with Markie, who was out in the living room. "Why would you do that? You're not old enough to get in."
Vee walked up to Marshall until he and she were six inches apart. She stared up into his eyes until he looked away to the floor. "Because the music is good. Damn, Marsh. Grow a pair. How are you ever going to figure things out if you don't dip your toe into the pool?"
"Sometimes you're a real pain in the ass."
His sister reached up and used her hand under his chin to pull his gaze from the floor back to her face. "What are you so afraid of? Who around here is going to be down on you if you're gay or bi?"
"Maybe I will."
"Where is that coming from?"
"I don't know. I'd like what Mom and Dad have, but the uncles aren't any different, I guess. All the adults are so relentlessly open to us being whatever we are; sometimes I wish they'd just ease off. Besides, as far as I can tell, the others are straight."
"So what? Nobody in the family is making a big deal about this except you. If you feel pressured, the pressure is your own."
"Why is it so important to you that I make a decision now?"
"You can't seriously believe that this is a decision. I don't want my brother to spend a miserable couple of years waiting to find himself. If you're straight, good for you; if you're not, good for you." Then she took his hand and sighed. "If you can't figure it out, so it goes, but you know what Uncle Luke would say: 'You can't reach a sound conclusion without good data.'"
Marshall hugged his sister. "You're still a pain in the ass. How old are you anyway? Thirty?"
"I don't have to be an adult to see what's going on with my brother. Let's go out and make a plan. If you suggest going to the club, I won't have to."
Vee led the way out of the bedroom and down the hallway. Markie and the other two boys were on the wrap-around balcony, looking at the mountains. Marshall and Vee walked out to join them, and Marshall saw that Markie was enthralled by the view. The condo did have a spectacular view of the river and three volcanoes in the noonday summer sun.
Sam was observing Markie from the angle between two of the balcony railings. She was wearing sunglasses against the clarity and brightness of the early afternoon sun, and beyond her he could see the Willamette River and the Steel Bridge, one of many that connected the east and west sides of the city. He looked up at Vee and then Marshall. Marshall nodded his head toward the girl and raised his eyebrows. Sam stepped up beside Markie so that their shoulders touched. She turned and smiled, taking off the glasses. He thought being with her here sharing a novel vista for her was enough.
Marshall ended the silence. "Let's go to Klub Z tonight."
JT looked at him. He answered his own question about the reason for the suggestion before he voiced it. He smiled at his cousin. "You know I'm a way better dancer than you, Marsh."
"We'll see."
Sam added, "I don't get much chance to dance with boys. I'm in. But, Vee won't be able to go."
"I'll be just fine here. I have some reading I can do."
Markie tried to help. "I'll stay here with you."
"Oh, no. You need to be there so Sam will have a girl to dance with."
"I don't get it. Won't there be a lot of girls there?"
Marshall explained, "More boys than girls. It's a dance club where a lot of gay and lesbian kids go. No alcohol and you have to be twelve to get in. Do you have your school ID?"
"I brought it, but why go to a gay dance club?" She looked at Marshall and blushed, wishing she could pull the question back.
Marshall laughed and, smiling a tight smile, glanced at his sister. "Don't be embarrassed. I don't think going dancing is going to answer any questions, but the night might provide… data."
After a brief discussion with North and Jonathan, they were all agreed. In the meantime, they would explore the area around the condo. They told the adults that they were going out to get a late lunch and about their nighttime plans. North told them to stick together and be careful. "Dancing is a good choice for the evening." As the kids left the condo, Marshall looked to his father, who smiled at him: Give yourself a break, Marsh.