When I woke I found that my arm was over his shoulders and our bodies were very close together. He was still asleep. I watched him for some time, thinking back to the early morning, and wondered what it was that gave the boy the courage — or foolhardiness — to let his curiosity get the better of him. And what it was that made him want to rediscover something of how my body felt. I was sure he couldn't be homosexual, and I didn't dare show that I was. The armour had to be tight, chink free. Was I glad he hadn't realised I was awake! I looked at him, wondering if he realised we were so close, and if he would object. I hoped he wouldn't mind — after all, he had put himself there. I hoped he had enjoyed what he had done the previous night, but wished that he had made me wake up first so we could both enjoy it and bring matters to a mutual conclusion as we had all those years ago. I thrilled at the thought that he was no longer a little boy, that he would enjoy a proper orgasm, and that I could help him do so. I longed to enjoy the feel of his body and the feel of the touch of someone else's hands again……my body started to react again to this dangerous thinking, so I took away my arm and looked at the clock. Only 6.30! Oh well, we had wanted an early start.
I pulled at his shoulder, and succeeded in waking him at the second attempt. Blearily his eyes opened, and I thought back to the instantly awake nine year old who was so annoyingly active first thing in the morning. He focussed on me, and this unexpected, slow, happy, tender smile came across his face. I was captivated, and my damned body reacted too, with an excitement and a skip of the heartbeat. I smiled back, probably more gently than I normally would. "Hi," I said, and yawned.
James smiled back, all the usual banter returning to his brain. "Sleep all right, sexy?" he asked.
I looked at him, wondering if he was referring to his nightly escapades, but thought this unlikely. "Huh!" was all I could manage to say.
"Wassertime?"
I laughed at the memory of my asking him the same question so many times at Amberdale. He looked puzzled, so I told him why.
He laughed. "Seems like another life. What is the time, anyway?"
I told him. He shut his eyes gain in mock disgust.
"Too early….I suppose. I've got to get up though. Back in a minute."
I watched him as he stretched his legs apart to straddle me. All my best efforts failed to stop me focussing on one part of his body…He had no erection now, but his body once again struck me as being…complete. That of a young man. Potent. He balanced on his left knee and climbed out of bed, stretched, and padded over to the door. The crumpled bedclothes had left a pattern on his back. He went to the lavatory, and I lay back in the bed, wondering whether to deal with my troublesome body again. Another life! Well, I suppose it was for him. Five years on from nine years old is half your life span! And the mind and body change so much in those few years. It's not just the getting bigger, it's the gaining of maturity. He would want no attention from me now. Or would he? Once again I thought back to his actions of the early morning.
It was just as well I decided still not to relieve my need as he was soon back. To my surprise he climbed back over me and into bed: no pausing to bounce up and down on me this time. He looked a bit down, I thought.
For me to stay there with him would have been asking for trouble, so I got out and crossed to the drawers where my clothes were, somehow conscious of his eyes on me all the time. There was the sound of an engine from an approaching boat, and there was me hoping to be on the move early. I found a pair of clean underpants, turned and looked at James and said "Come on, lazy! It's our turn to do breakfast!"
"Who said?"
"Well, we'll have to some time. May as well get it over with today as we're awake early," and, not without some qualms stripped off my night-time underwear to put the clean on. The bow of the approaching boat came into view from the cabin window and I looked out with interest, to see who was up and on the go already at this time of the morning. As I saw the name "Merlin" on the bow recognition gripped me and I exclaimed: "That's the boat I had two years ago."
James struggled free of the duvet, sat on the bed and looked out of the window. I rushed across to it, forgetting my state of undress, knelt next to James and looked out too. We watched the full length of the boat pass, and even held up a hand of greeting to the steersman. But then I was once again aware of the closeness of my old friend, and remembered I was naked. I looked at him. He hadn't turned his head, but his eyes were firmly fixed on my body rather than the passing narrowboat. "Merlin" continued past, and it was perhaps fortunate that the steersman hadn't looked too closely into the cabin window.
"She looks just the same," I said, returning my eyes to the outside world, but with my heart singing that he was looking at me and really seemed to want to see more. I craned my neck in front of James as "Merlin's" stern disappeared from view, "even down to the dent where we were bashed by a load of idiots in a lock."
He was still looking at my body, and I wished that now…now he would touch it again whilst it was unclothed. His own, I suddenly realised, was letting him down badly, and as I drew back from the window, he made to pull up the duvet to hide his embarrassment.
I acted embarrassed. "Sorry," I said. "I was so interested in seeing her again that I forgot I'd got nothing on."
"Don't worry. I really don't mind."
I'm sure you don't, if last night was anything to go by. I put on the clean underwear.
"Come on, you. Help me with breakfast."
"I'll join you later."
"What, in an hour when it's all cooked, eaten and washed up? I think not!" I crossed again to the bed, gripped the duvet and pulled sideways. James, not expecting a sideways pull, still held the top; the remainder slid onto the floor exposing his legs and the thing he was trying to hide. I gave a short laugh, swiftly wondered what to say, and decided that the brave approach was probably acceptable.
"Hah! Jamesey's got a hard-on!" I said, looking at the large bulge in James' underpants.
"Shut up, Martin."
I didn't dare to stay looking at it. I'd start to react myself any minute.
"Don't worry," I said, tearing my eyes away. "It's just a morning mast."
"A what?" he asked, finding his voice.
"Morning mast. A phantom erection first thing in the morning. I thought you'd have discovered that by now."
"I thought it was just me. It's always happening."
"No, you can read about it in books. I have, so I know it isn't just me! You have them in your sleep, too, but unless you're woken from a really deep sleep you'll never know about them."
"It happened to me once. The phone rang — wrong number — and I wondered what sort of dream I'd been having. I felt totally disorientated for ages afterwards. Anyway, it's rather embarrassing."
"Don't let it be. As I say, it's quite natural. I'll probably have one, one of these mornings.
I wondered if he hoped so.
He climbed out of bed, the erection still stretching his underpants. I watched, covertly.
"Martin…."
"Yes…?"
"You know in Amberdale, when we did everything together for a week?"
"Yes…?"
"Did you worry about it afterwards?"
"Good god, no. Why should I?"
"Well, it just seems…unnatural."
"Does it? Does it now? Did it feel it at the time?"
"Oh no. I loved everything about that holiday. And having you there as a big brother was the best of all. And I mean a brother. We seemed to just…click."
"Well, did you mind us both being…in the nude…together?"
"No. It didn't seem to matter to me at all. I enjoyed it. Didn't you?"
"Yes. Of course I did. Why d'you think it was unnatural, then."
He looked uncomfortable. "Well, there were you, being my brother in all sorts of ways. And there was I enjoying it, and proud of being with you. And then I got older and…well, it didn't seem right any more."
"But why?" I had to ask, although my heart was sinking and I knew I might be stirring up all sorts of mud.
He hesitated. "I don't know," he said, and looked away.
"James, I know you better than that. Somebody said something to you, didn't they?"
He looked at me wretchedly. "Someone said you were probably queer."
It was my turn to stop talking as that vice-like sensation seized my gut. "And what did you say?" I came out with eventually, as nonchalantly as I could.
"I said that if you were it didn't show, and that you were still my friend anyway. Then I hit him."
I had to laugh, more with relief than anything else. "And that started you thinking there might be something in what he said?"
"No, not really. I don't know. But it's just that he seemed to think that being naked in front of others was wrong."
"But we know better than that, don't we? I mean, think of what the doctor said…and think of all we did then"
"I remember. But that was when I was a kid. It might have been all right then, but now…"
"Now you're older? But they were a lot older than both of us. And how about my Dad?"
"I hadn't thought about that. Perhaps the guy — the one I hit — was more wrong than I thought."
"I believe he was," I said thankfully. "Being naked with someone who I'm at ease with doesn't bother me."
"Nor me. But how about now? I mean…not now, with me like this, but generally. It would be …somehow wrong. Wouldn't it?"
"I don't see why. When all's said and done, we're still the same people. No, it doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you."
"I'm just thinking of convenience," said James, a shade too quickly. "I mean, it'd take far longer in the mornings if we've got to put towels round ourselves just to change underwear, wouldn't it? And besides, I suppose it's a bit too late consider if I mind, after you've just forgotten yourself in the excitement of seeing Merlin."
"True, true. Anyway, I quite agree. We'll both wander around naked together. But only in private, I think."
James, encouraged, stripped off his own underwear, and his erection sprang free from the restricting material, despite its having subsided a little.
I'm going to have a fit, I thought. My heart's doing stupid things.
In the light he was absolutely perfect. Bigger than I'd been at fourteen, but not obscenely so. A patch of light, soft looking hair just above it. And below…I wanted to hold them, cradle them, marvel at them; these two young, soft, deep hanging testicles that stretched the delicate skin with their weight. With the long, slim thighs below and the flat stomach above, he was absolutely perfect.
"You're sure you don't mind?" he asked. Boy, you can stand like that all day if you want, and I'll look and worship…
"No. A bit late now, anyway. How soon does yours go down?"…Do I ask him how he makes it to go down?…"Or do you encourage it?"
"Varies. What do you mean, encourage it?"
"I told you once. Remember?"
"Oh…you mean…well? Do you still?"
"Every bloke does, though probably more when you're young than when you get older."
James registered amazement. "I thought it was just the two of us and the Doctor's family."
I was silent for a moment. Even after five years I didn't want to think about what the man had done. "I suppose everyone thinks that. But no, it's common. And couples do it for each other, too."
James digested this. "So is it all right, then?"
"It doesn't do any damage at all." Except when adults can't understand, when they interfere and make you feel it's wrong, added my mind.
"And you say people do it for each other?"
"Yes. I said couples. You know, man and woman. But I know that blokes do it for each other too, if they're emotionally close enough."
There was silence. I didn't want to hint again at the attraction of man for man, no matter whatever title it attracted, especially as I now wanted him with me all week without any hindrance to our friendship or to our brotherhood, if that was still possible. It was obvious that James was thinking deeply as he crossed to the drawers to retrieve his clothes. We dressed in silence, and I wondered if I'd gone too far in mentioning close friends and hinting at mutual masturbation. But I felt that the subject was far from dead. Now was not the time to carry on discussing it, though.
And, just about, we hadn't mentioned Mark once.