Second Chances

Chapter 5

Confused and a little concerned, Jesse leaned over and said to Ian and Rhys, “I’m going to go out and see what’s up with Alex.”

He rose and made his way through the crowd to the bar’s lobby. Glancing around, Jesse soon saw Alex leaving the men’s room. “Alex! Hey, Alex!”

Alex turned back when he heard his name. Jesse trotted over to him and said, “You just walked out rather than acknowledge your cheering fans. Is there anything wrong?”

Alex gave Jesse a confused look. “No, I just had to talk to a man about a dog.”

Jesse returned the confused look. “What?”

Alex giggled a bit before adopting a clearly fake look of exasperation. “You know, talk to a man about a dog. Drain the main vein. Take a leak, have a piss, hit the head, go potty, pee…”

Jesse chuckled. “Okay, I get it. I’ve never heard that expression before.”

Alex threw his arm around Jesse’s shoulders. “Well, jeez, I waited to go since I knew my name was going to be called to sing. By the time I was done, I really had to pee! You know, I’ve been drinking beer all evening.”

“Yes, Alex, we know you’ve been drinking beer,” Jesse responded, a grin on his face. “And maybe it’s time you stopped drinking beer for the evening.” He continued, “You were great!”

“Yup. I was better than terrible.”

Jesse shook his head. “C’mon, let’s get back in there and see the last couple of singers. I think everybody wants to congratulate you on a job well done, too.” Alex just rolled his eyes.

They made their way back through the gauntlet of tables and merrymakers, just as the singer who’d followed Alex was finishing their song. As Jesse and Alex approached the table, they were spotted by Matt. “Hey, Alex! Awesome job!” The others in the group all jumped in to extend their congratulations as well.

As Alex approached the tables, he announced, much more loudly than necessary, “I only took off like that cuz I needed to take a wicked whiz, guys.” Everyone laughed. Alex then made the rounds, hugging everyone, most from behind as they were still seated, with a couple also receiving a kiss on the cheek. As he did so, each man offered their congratulations to Alex, and he in turn replied with words of self-deprecation. “Yeah, okay, they didn’t boo me off the stage.” “Could’ve been worse.” “I only made a partial fool of myself.” “I’d like to point out that no rotten tomatoes were thrown! That counts for something, right?”

As he finished distributing his thank you hugs, he realized something, a realization he put into words. “Holy shit! I just kissed Ian and, I think, maybe someone else on the cheek, and it was okay! Nobody here was judging me! No looks of horror and disgust! Hell’s bells, that’s fucking awesome!” As his friends all laughed, he collapsed in his chair.

“And ladies and gentlemen, the last singer of the evening, Ian McDougal!”

Ian rose from his seat. Most of the men cheered him on, but Alex let his mouth hang open before commenting, to no one in particular, “I didn’t know he was going to sing!”

As he continued to clap, Jesse leaned over towards Alex. “He sings most every time.”

Ian arrived at the microphone stand. “Here’s one from Lady Gaga. Hope you enjoy.”

Alex sunk down in his seat. “Fuck,” he muttered. With a surprised look, Jesse turned toward Alex, just as the music began.

Everyone was cheering and clapping when Ian returned to his seat. Alex was also applauding, though in a much more sedate manner than his companions. As soon as Ian sat down, Alex leaned across the table and said to Ian, “I am so embarrassed. Me and my big mouth! God, I am so, so sorry.”

Ian thought for a few seconds before realizing what Alex was apologizing for. When he did, he smiled and said, “Alex, don’t worry about it. I’m not upset. And you’re right, Lady Gaga is overdone.”

The other men around the table turned to see what the commotion was about. By now, Alex had buried his face in his hands. Ian rose from his seat and walked around the table to Alex. He leaned over and physically shook Alex, while whispering in his ear, “It’s okay Alex. I’m not upset, so you shouldn’t be either.”

Alex looked up, forced a smile, and rose from his seat. He enveloped Ian in a hug. “I am sorry, though, and thank you for being understanding.”

“Well, I’m just glad you’re here with us, and glad to see you’re a friendly drunk, even if you are getting a little over-emotional.”

Still hugging, Alex replied, “You forgot funny,” in a totally serious manner.

Ian laughed as he pulled out of the hug. “Yes, you are. Now sit back down and have a good time.”

Alex pulled out his wallet as he sat. Turning to his right toward Rhys, he said, “Rhys, I’m going to give you my debit card. Could you go get drinks at the bar? I guess all that singin’ and peein’ has worn me right out.” Turning to everyone, he said, “Next round is on me. Get whatever you’d like. And Rhys, please get me a water.”

“Water is probably a good idea,” Rhys replied with a chuckle as he took the debit card from Alex. ‘Methinks he doth spend too much, at least on food and drink,’ thought Rhys as he made his way towards the bar. He had no intention of using Alex’s card. ‘He won’t even know he didn’t buy this round.’

Once karaoke had finished, the crowd began to thin, but the men remained for some time, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company. When they did decide to depart, Alex was sure to hug each of them in turn once again. However, he refrained from kissing anyone on the cheek.

On the way home, Rhys glanced at Alex. Shortly after they’d pulled out of the parking lot, Alex had become companionably quiet, and Rhys thought that he might have dropped off to sleep. When he glanced toward the passenger seat, however, he saw that Alex was wide awake, watching the darkened scenery pass by as they drove north on NE 14th Street. As they continued down the street, Rhys thought that the reflections from the streetlights looked like spears, striking Alex over and over. And every time, the spears appeared to bounce off, as though Alex’s clothes were made of armor.

Rhys finally broke the silence. “So, did you have a good time tonight?”

“Fuck yes.”

Rhys grinned. “I guess you also have a potty mouth when you’re drinking. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say fuck before, and I know you said it a lot tonight.”

“I guess so,” said Alex. “But truth be told, I am sobering up. Maybe I just cut loose on Friday nights.” He glanced at the clock on the dashboard. “Make that Saturday mornings.”

“I’m not so sure you’re as sobered up as you think.”

A few minutes later, Rhys pulled up to a tri-level house in a quiet neighborhood of similar houses on the north side of Ankeny. As the car came to a halt, Alex turned to Rhys and spoke in the most seductive voice he could muster in his still mildly inebriated state, his eyebrows going up and down as he did so. “You…ah…you want to come in for a drink?”

Surprised by Alex’s boldness, Rhys turned to Alex. Seeing the grin on Alex’s face, he realized that it was a joke. As he shook his head, he replied, “Thank you Alex, but no. I don’t take advantage of intoxicated men.”

Alex reached over and put his left hand on top of Rhys’s right, which was resting on the shifter in the center console. “In all seriousness, though, thank you. And thanks for driving. I had a great time.”

“We all had a great time,” replied Rhys. “And thank you for singing.”

-----

“Hey, guys, I know we didn’t talk about it earlier, but would you want to come to my house for some dinner when we’re done with our workouts?” Alex had walked over to the free weight portion of the weight room before heading to his favorite stationary bike in the cardio room.

Rhys and Jesse looked at one another, and, nodding in agreement, Rhys said, “Sounds good. Are you cooking?”

Alex laughed. “No, my cooking is marginal at best. I’m an expert at warming things up in the microwave. I can also heat up frozen things in the oven. I can even do hamburger helper and macaroni and cheese on the stovetop. I also make some kick-ass Chex mix. That’s pretty much the limit of my culinary skills. I was thinking more along the line of pizza. The takeaway kind, not the frozen kind.”

“Sounds good,” Jesse said, then added, “If you can, make sure you sit at a bike where there’s another free bike next to it. I’ll be in to join you in about three minutes.”

Later, after the three friends finished their dinner, Alex packed the leftovers in one of the cardboard pizza boxes, then chucked the other pizza box into the recycling bin in the garage. Rhys and Jesse were chatting with each other when Alex’s head appeared around the wall dividing the kitchen from the living room. “Can I get you another beer?”

Once fresh bottles of beer had been distributed, Alex sat down in the recliner. As he did so, Rhys said, “Alex, I know you shy away from the free weights. If I spent a little time with you showing you what to do, would you maybe be more comfortable joining us at that end of the weight room?”

Alex quickly replied, “Maybe one day, but not right now. I need to spend most of my time trying to lose the tire around my midsection,” patting his stomach for emphasis. He then added with a smile, “Besides, I like using the rotary torso machine. You really have a great opportunity to check out all the eye candy when you’re using it.” Rhys and Jesse both chuckled.

Alex continued, “I wish I had a different body type. I know it’s hard to believe, but I really was thin at one time. But even when I was thin, I had a big ol’ bubble butt and a pair of thunder thighs. Even though I’ve lost weight, I don’t really think I look any better. I just kind of look, I don’t know, dumpy?”

Rhys giggled, then said, “You do realize, having a bubble butt is frequently considered an asset in the gay community, right?” In response, Alex rolled his eyes but otherwise remained silent.

“Alex,” commented Jesse in a much more serious tone, “You really shouldn’t be so hard on yourself over your weight. I don’t think it’s healthy for you.”

“Being overweight isn’t exactly healthy either, Jesse.”

“Not everyone is going to be rail thin. Besides, you’re very active. I think that’s a better measure of how healthy you are than a number you see when you step on the scale.”

They hadn’t known Alex for long, but both Rhys and Jesse quickly had come realize he was prone to disparaging himself. Clearly, Alex suffered from a lack of self-esteem. And the two things Alex most liked to belittle himself over were weight and age.

Rhys decided it was time to change the subject. “I’m still surprised that Lane won’t be joining us at the Y anymore. I really didn’t expect him to announce tonight that he was moving out of state.”

“Well,” said Jesse, “it sounds like the transfer he was offered will come with a much higher salary. If that’s the case, I suppose it was kind of a no-brainer. Even if his wife does need to quit her job and then find a new one.”

“That’s got to be hard on Paula. I mean, she’s a professional, too. She’s got to quit her job just so he can get ahead in his. Then move to a strange city and have to look for a new job? I mean, if the advancement comes with a huge raise, I guess it makes sense, but it’s still got to be hard to give up your career so your spouse can further theirs,” Rhys said.

“I imagine with his kids being so young, that it’s a good time for him to make a move. I know from experience it’s hard on kids when they have to change schools, especially during the school year,” Alex commented.

Jesse looked at Alex quizzically. “I thought you’d been in Ankeny for a long time?”

“I have,” Alex responded. “I meant when I was growing up. I was born in La Crosse, Wisconsin. We moved to Canton, Ohio, then Worthington, Minnesota, then back to La Crosse, and then to Rockford, Illinois. Fortunately, my folks settled down when I was in seventh grade. Finished grade school and went to high school in Milwaukee.” He continued, “Losing your friends and making new ones was hard enough in the younger grades. I think it was doubly worse for me, as I was painfully shy. It would’ve been even worse in high school.” Alex shuddered visibly at the thought.

Jesse and Rhys nodded in agreement. Then Alex asked, “What about you guys? Did you move around when you were kids?”

Jesse replied first. “Heavens no. My parents have lived in the same house in Pratt for, well, I’m not sure, but a long time. It’s the only house I’d lived in until I left for college.”

“And we lived in Clarinda the entire time I was growing up. A couple of different houses, but I never had to change schools,” added Rhys.

“I’m kind of jealous, guys. In grade school, I went to three different schools, in three different towns, over the course of four years. It really sucked changing schools in the middle of a semester.” He then added, “You know, I think the second time we were in La Crosse we didn’t even unpack everything.”

“Hey, Alex,” said Rhys. “Are you going to brunch with the group this Sunday?”

“I’m planning on it,” Alex replied. “I probably won’t be late this time, either, as there’s no voter’s meeting after church.”

“I really can’t believe you’re a Bible-thumper,” Jesse said, the contempt in his voice immediately apparent. Alex and Rhys both turned in surprise to the sudden venom in Jesse’s retort.

“Uhh, yeah…I was brought up going to church, so it’s become a real part of who I am. I don’t exactly think of myself as a Bible-thumper, though. I don’t even go every week. It’s totally cool with me if you’re not into organized religion, or if you’re not even particularly spiritual. But I still find value in attending church.”

“Hmph. All I know about church is that it’s full of people who hate gays,” Jesse said.

“Unfortunately, you’re right, there are a lot of churches like that. But my church isn’t.”

“Where do you go to church?” asked Rhys.

“I go to Holy Trinity here in Ankeny. As our pastor likes to say, it’s a ‘congregation of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.’”

“God, you’re an evangelical? They’re the worst!” spat Jesse, the disdain evident in his voice.

“No, no, Jesse, I’m not an evangelical,” responded Alex, trying to use a calm voice in hopes that Jesse would dial back the anger that had appeared out of the blue. “At least not in the way the word ‘evangelical’ is used today. To be honest with you, it kind of pisses me off that fundamentalist Christians have co-opted that word. To me, the word ‘evangelical’ means ‘good news,’ you know, because the church shares the good news of Jesus Christ. As far as I see, they’ve turned the word into something that means ‘bad news.’ You know, something more akin to, ‘I hate anyone who isn’t just like me.’”

“Wow, Jesse, I didn’t know you found religion that offensive,” commented Rhys.

“Let’s just say I had a bad experience with church,” Jesse responded with much less anger in his voice. However, Alex detected something else in Jesse’s response. What was it? Regret? Disappointment? He couldn’t put his finger on it.

Alex continued. “I do get it. I’ve also had some bad experiences with religion. Did you guys go to public school growing up, or a parochial school?”

Rhys replied, “I only went to public school. What about you, Jesse?”

“I went for a couple of years to a Christian school. Not many fond memories of those years, let me tell you.”

“Well,” began Alex, “my parents and I moved to Milwaukee the summer before I started seventh grade. I went to a Lutheran grade school for two years, and then a Lutheran high school for four. Overall, I think I did get a fairly good education. I even managed to make a few friends, which wasn’t insignificant for me. But generally, the Lutheran churches that run schools, well, they’re very conservative. I mean, in high school, we didn’t have prom. Most dancing was a sin. Apparently, square dancing was okay because we had a unit on that in gym class. I never did figure that one out. I remember the cheerleaders getting into trouble because they did a routine to the song Mickey by Toni Basil[1] because of one line that had a sexual innuendo. In theatre, one of the musicals I was in had a role known simply as ‘kitchen wench.’ Someone in the school administration found out and put a stop to that. The poor girl who was cast in the role ended up just being another member of the chorus.

“In choir, for the one concert a year where we sang non-religious music, we did a medley of Cole Porter songs. But the line in the song Anything Goes[2] got changed from ‘silly gigolos’ to ‘silly, mixed-up beaus’. Oh, and also, the line ‘heaven knows anything goes’? Apparently, heaven is a swear word. Who knew? That line was changed to ‘everyone knows anything goes’. I mean, come on, it’s Cole Porter. You open up the American song book, and page one is Cole fucking Porter!” Rhys and even Jesse laughed at that.

“So, to be blunt, in some ways, they really kind of fucked me up. I mean, did you ever jerk off when you were teenagers? Now, you really don’t need to answer that question, because I already know the answer. But not me. Seriously. I thought for sure doing that would send me straight to hell. Don’t worry, once I figured out that I wasn’t damned to hell for masturbating, I made up for lost time. And homosexuality? Is it any wonder I was repressed? If you didn’t talk about being gay, you could pretend it didn’t exist, I guess…”

“That’s crazy, Alex,” commented Rhys while shaking his head. “I guess I thought I led a sheltered life, growing up in a small town and all. Apparently, southwest Iowa is a bastion of liberalism.” Jesse remained silent.

“I don’t know why I suddenly thought of this,” continued Alex, “and I’m not even really sure how it fits into this discussion, but you know how kids will sometimes insult someone by calling them a fag? I don’t think I’ve heard it recently, but when I was in high school it was much more common to call someone a homo. One day, someone called someone else a homo during my freshman English class. I don’t remember who, but believe it or not, it wasn’t me. Anyway, the teacher — she was one of my favorite teachers by the way — said to the kid, ‘The prefix homo means same as. So, when you call someone a homo, you’re saying that they’re just like you.’ Looking back on it, I guess her retort could’ve been taken a couple ways, but at the time I thought it was a great response.” Alex then added with a smile, “Sorry, I went on one of my less-famous, non-alcohol-induced rants for a bit.”

“So, despite all that, you still go to church?” asked Jesse in disbelief.

“Yes, despite all that. Now, do I go to one of those conservative Lutheran churches? God, no. My church is far more progressive than that.”

“Sorry,” replied Jesse, a hint of exasperation in his voice. “I just don’t get it.”

“Well, how about you come to church with me sometime? I’d like a chance to change your mind.” Alex saw something akin to disgust in Jesse’s eyes. He quickly added, “Look, I’m not trying to convert you or anything. I would just like you to see that not all churches are full of hate. No pressure.”

“We’ll see.”

“That’s all I’m asking for, mate. Give it some thought. But like I said, no pressure.”

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