Fwiip-fwoop. As Alex pulled into the parking lot, the wipers intermittently sounded out a slow and steady drumbeat as they wiped away the light rain. Fwiip-fwoop. Alex maneuvered into a parking stall, shifted into park, and pushed the ignition button on the car’s dash.
The wipers stopped at ‘fwiip.’
Alex leaned his head back against the headrest, looked upward, then closed his eyes. “Okay, Alex, you can do this,” he muttered repeatedly under his breath.
He eventually opened his eyes after convincing himself to exit his car and head inside. He unlatched the safety belt but hesitated before opening the driver’s side door. He repeated the mantra, “You can do this,” several more times before he finally opened the car door and stepped out his Honda Civic. As he stood, he muttered, “You’ve got this.” He walked to the restaurant door, doubting his own words. He hadn’t had butterflies in the pit of his stomach like this for a long time. “Alex, you have to do this.”
His eyes adjusted to the low lighting as he entered the building. Almost immediately, an attractive young woman, likely no older than his own children, greeted him with a smile. The name on the tag on her chest read ‘Ashley.’ “Good morning, sir, how many in your party?” she said in a voice much too perky for such a cloudy, damp day.
Despite the butterflies, Alex smiled. “Actually, I’m meeting some folks here. I think they’ve already been seated.”
“Would you happen to be Alex?” Ashley queried.
“Yes, that would be me,” Alex intoned, his mouth suddenly feeling as though it had been lined with cotton.
Ashley responded, “Your party is indeed already here.” She grabbed a menu and said, simply, “Please follow me.”
Alex followed, thinking as he did so, ‘God, it feels as if I’m being led to the gallows.’ He mentally chastised himself as soon as the thought crossed his mind. ‘Get over your nervousness, Alex! You’re here to make friends, not defend your master’s thesis.’
She led him to a back corner of the restaurant where three tables had been pushed together to create one long one. Twelve chairs surrounded the table; eleven were occupied. Another woman stood at the opposite end of the table, beginning to take orders. Alex swallowed, hoping to suppress the butterflies in his stomach. Despite the dim light in the restaurant, one glance told Alex that he had more grey hair on his head than on all eleven heads seated at the table did put together. The number of butterflies had doubled, if not trebled, since he’d stepped out of his car.
The man at the head of the table noticed Alex approach. He stood and then took a few steps toward Alex. Smiling, he said, “Alex, I presume? Hi, I’m Matt. I’m glad you could make it.” Matt extended his right hand.
The remaining ten heads at the table turned in unison, observing Alex as he shook the proffered hand. “Everybody, this is Alex.” A motley chorus of greetings soon sounded. Alex put on a nervous smile as he stepped toward the vacant seat. “Hello, everyone.”
As Alex sat, Ashley handed him the menu, saying as she did so, “Meghan will be your server. Take your time with the menu, she can come back for your order if you are not ready by the time she reaches you.”
Alex took a quick glance through the menu. All too soon, Meghan arrived at his seat. “Do you know what you’d like to drink?”
Alex responded, “Iced tea, please.”
“With lemon?”
“Yes, please.”
“And are you ready to order?”
Alex’s eyes darted across the menu. “Umm, yes, could I get the ‘Strawberry Fields Forever’ salad, but with feta instead of blue cheese?’
“Absolutely,” Meghan responded. “And is the triple berry vinaigrette dressing alright?”
“Yes, thank you,” Alex responded as he handed back the menu.
The men sitting at his end of the table began to introduce themselves. “Hi Alex, I’m Kevin,” said the man directly across from him, extending his right hand as he did so. Alex began to stand as he reached for the hand. “No need to stand to shake hands, Alex. We’re all pretty informal.”
Alex knew his face was beginning to turn red and hoped it wouldn’t be noticeable in the dimmed light of the restaurant. Looking downward as he sat back down, he said, “Sorry. It’s hard to break old habits. And in case you couldn’t tell, I’m a bit nervous.”
Alex attempted to push forward. “Though it does remind me of a joke. What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down, and a dog do with one leg raised? The correct answer, of course, is shake hands.” Before he’d even finished his words, he was already thinking, ‘Alex, go ahead and say something stupid, why don’t you?’ The joke received a polite chuckle from several of those at the table, though a few of the men looked at him with blank expressions. From his right, Alex heard one of the men at the table say softly, yet clearly, “I don’t get it.” Almost immediately, Alex’s face became both warmer and redder.
The man to Alex’s right turned away from Alex yet again, saying softly, but with a hard edge, “God, Robbie, we can’t go anywhere without you saying something stupid. I’ll explain it to you later.” Despite the increasing redness, the tiniest hint of a smile crept across Alex’s face.
The man to Alex’s right turned back toward Alex, then said, “Hi Alex. I’m Andrew, and the knucklehead to my right is Robbie.” The chastised Robbie leaned over to see past Andrew, raising his hand in a wave as he did so. “Hi, Alex. Nice to meet you.” Several others continued introducing themselves. After each one, Alex responded with a simple greeting, repeating each of their names in turn. “Hi, Eli.” “Pleased to meet you, Ian.” “Nice to meet you, Sean.” Alex then confessed, “I’m repeating your names in hopes that one or two will stick. I can’t even blame it on being old, as I’ve always been terrible at remembering names.”
By now, most of the men close enough to easily introduce themselves at the table had done so. Alex turned to the two men to his left as they spoke. “Hi, I’m Rhys.” “And I’m…hey! I recognize you!”
Alex took a closer look, then made the connection. “Sure, I recognize both of you from the YMCA! And what did you say your name was again?”
“Uh, I don’t think I said…but it’s Jesse.”
“Well, hi Jesse. Hi Rhys. It’s nice to put names to a couple of the faces from the Y.”
Conversations between the men continued as meals began to arrive. After what, in his mind, was an absolute disaster of a first impression, he thought to himself, ‘I need to retreat a bit. Speak only when spoken to. Respond to questions with short answers, one word if possible. Much less chance of putting your foot in your mouth that way.’
Although Alex felt extremely self-conscious about his place in the group, his neighbors at the table attempted to draw him into their conversations. By the end of the meal, Alex had begun to relax. That changed when Matt, who was sitting at the opposite end of the table, asked, “Alex, as we are wrapping up brunch, do you think you could take a minute or two to tell us about yourself?”
The dry, cottonmouth feeling which had gradually faded during the meal returned with a vengeance as Alex saw every head at the table, in unison, again turn towards him. Alex took a sip from his iced tea, cleared his throat, and then began.
“Well, my name is Alex Kimball, and, umm, sorry, I’m just a bit nervous. I’d like to thank you all for coming to my coming-out party. Seriously, this is the very first time I’ve declared ‘I’m gay’ out loud to anyone, at least in person. While I obviously am among friends, albeit new ones, it still feels kind of liberating. I guess I finally decided it was time to be myself.
“Uh, okay, my particulars. Well, I’m 54, soon to be 55. I have two kids. While they’re nearly two years apart in age, they are only separated by one grade in school. My son, Cameron, is a Junior at Luther College in Decorah. Charlotte, my daughter, is a sophomore at Gustavus Adolphus College up in Saint Peter, Minnesota. I work as a commercial development consultant. We help our clients, for the most part national chain restaurants, stores, and the like, to find properties that they can develop or redevelop, evaluate the property for environmental issues, then walk them through the zoning and permitting process. The idea is to assist our clients from the beginning of the development process to the end. We don’t do the design, engineering, or construction components of new development, but we assist with most everything else, and we also coordinate between the various other players, the engineers, general contractors, and the like.”
Matt then chimed in. “What do you like to do in your free time?”
“Well, let’s see. I try to work out at least three or four times a week. I know you can’t tell looking at me, but I swear it’s true. Jesse and, uh, Rhys, I believe, can confirm this part of my story. I also love music. I can’t play a note on any instrument, so I sing. Mind you, I’m by no means a great singer, either. My singing is mostly done in the shower or in the car. Or church. I like most kinds of music. I’ve got, like, 9000 songs or something in my iTunes library. Lots of classic rock, country, and modern rock, but also older music. Big Bands, Western swing, jazz, and rockabilly. I’ve really gotten interested in music of the 1920s and 1930s over the past couple of years. Country, jazz, and blues were all starting at that time. I find it fascinating how the various genres of music during that period all sounded the same, and how today’s music evolved over the past hundred years. In fact, my son and I are kicking around ideas for a podcast where we listen to, and talk about, music. That’s very much in the development stages, though.”
“Thanks, Alex. I’d like to welcome you to our group. I hope everyone made you feel welcome. And here’s the bill. It’s tradition that the new guy picks up the tab at their first time out,” said Matt.
Alex’s eyes widened. “Uh…” Then the table erupted in laughter. Jesse leaned over and, with a smile on his face, said, “We’re only joshing with you. Matt does that every time we have a new person with us. We always go Dutch.”
A bit of a smile crept across Alex’s face as he said, “Well, Matt, you got me good.”
As Matt sorted out who owed what, Jesse suggested that Alex pass his phone around so each person could add their number and email to his contacts list. Alex also agreed to send them all an email with his contact information.
People then began to hand over cash to Matt for their portion of the bill, or as most did, Venmo what each owed. Alex thought, “How on earth does Matt keep everything straight?”
Reading Alex’s mind, Ian said, “He’s an accountant. He’s good at this stuff.”
Alex noted, “Being good with numbers is one thing, just keeping straight who’s paid what is something else entirely.”
“Well, he’s kind of an organization freak, too. I don’t know how he does it, either.”
As the men began to rise from the table and take their leave, Ian leaned across the table and asked, “So Alex, do you like beer?”
Alex looked at Ian inquisitively. “Umm…sure, I guess. Why do you ask?”
“Well, a handful of us have taken to heading over to one of the craft breweries after Sunday brunch. We’re planning on heading downtown to Twisted Vine today. You’re most welcome to join us if you’d like.”
Alex thought for a second before responding, “You know, that sounds like fun, Ian. I’d like to come, thanks.”
Ian added, “It’s a little bit better for conversation than sitting at the long table. You can’t interact with everyone here. Of course, there aren’t as many guys, usually just four or five of us. That also helps. If you’d like, you can carpool down with one of us, or if you prefer, feel free to take your car and head straight home from there.”
Twenty minutes later, Alex maneuvered into a parking space on Market Street, then walked the half-block to Twisted Vine Brewery. The sky remained overcast as he did so, and an occasional drop fell to the ground. As he entered, he saw Ian raise his hand and wave. Alex walked to the high-top table where Ian, Rhys, and Jesse sat.
“Hey, Alex,” said Ian. “Glad you decided to join us! I think it’s going to just be us four today. Kevin was talking about joining us, but, well, he says that most of the time, but then doesn’t show.”
After a quick hello, Alex walked over to the bar. He consulted the menu board, then made his request to the bartender. She poured his pint and took his debit card. As he sat down at the table, Alex said, “Thank you for the warm welcome today, and the invite to join you here as well.”
“Of course,” replied Ian. “You seemed kind of nervous at brunch today. No need to be. None of us bite.”
Alex chuckled. “That’s a bit of an understatement. That I was kind of nervous, that is.”
“Well, you seem to be doing a little better now,” commented Jesse.
“So, how did you find out about our little group?” asked Ian.
“Well,” replied Alex, “I stumbled across the group on Reddit, of all places, a couple of months ago. It took me a bit to work up the courage to contact Matt, though.” The men nodded in understanding.
“Does this group have a name? I asked Matt about a name, but his response seemed somewhat evasive.”
Rhys chuckled before commenting, “No, not really. We debated a name for the group for quite a while. Matt was really pushing for a name. Some people wanted to give the group a ‘gay’ name if you will. You know, ‘Just gay guys,’ or ‘the gay brunch crowd,’ or something lame like that.”
Jesse added, “But then someone pointed out the group isn’t made up of just gays. There are at least two people who identify as bi, and we’ve had one trans guy join us for a while. And Sam wasn’t there today, but they’re non-binary. So, a ‘gay’ name wouldn’t be fully accurate, you know?”
“Then Matt came up with the name ‘Club Q’,” continued Rhys. “Most people seemed to like it, at least thought it was okay, and Matt was especially pleased. Just a week or so later, there was a shooting at a gay bar in Colorado Springs. Remember that?” Alex nodded. “Well, the bar was named ‘Club Q.’ After that, we decided to abandon naming the group altogether. Whatever you do, don’t suggest to Matt that the group needs a name.”
“In addition,” added Ian, “we really are extremely informal. I mean, we don’t exactly follow Robert’s Rules of Order. Hell, we don’t even have meetings. It’s just a loose network of people who get together socially. Matt is kind of the de facto leader, which pretty much means he makes reservations and lets people know when and where we’re meeting. We try to be inclusive, and I don’t just mean Q vs. gay. If you extend an invitation within the group, you should extend it to everyone.”
Jesse then added, “Now, we all get together in our subgroups, like visiting a brewery after brunch, for example. And you obviously know that Rhys and I hang out at the Y. It’s more like, if you invite half of the group to an activity, you should invite everyone. If not, people’s feelings get hurt. Some guys can be pretty salty if they’re not included.”
“Like Robbie,” commented Rhys. “He is such a sweetie, but let me tell you, Alex, that boy can be a real drama queen. Between that and the dopey things he says sometimes, you’d think he was a big-breasted, blonde bimbo.”
“But we love him nonetheless,” Jesse added. “Some more than others.”
Ian jumped in. “I don’t know if you picked up on it, but Andrew and Robbie are a couple.”
“Currently the only couple in our group,” said Jesse. “At least as far as I know.”
Ian added, “Our group has, what, around 15 or 20 ‘members,’ I think. Not everyone gets together every time. Some people only come a couple times a year. Some people come steady for a while, then just drift away. A couple of our regulars have moved away recently, too.”
“I’d never been to the Grumpy Goat before. Do you go there frequently?”
“It’s one of a few places we like to go,” replied Rhys. “We also frequent the Iowa Taproom, which is just a couple of blocks from here. Another place downtown is Tupelo Honey. They’ve got some great food. Back out in West Des Moines, we often hit up Eggs and Jam and The Breakfast Club for brunch.”
“We’ve gone to Firebirds Grill over by Jordan Creek before as well,” added Jesse.
“So, do you just do brunch? Or do you get together other times, too?” asked Alex.
“Well,” said Rhys, “we do seem to like brunch on Sunday. But we’ll go to dinner sometimes. Generally, just on weekends. A group of us usually go to karaoke night at ‘The Ranch.’ That’s a what — gay? Gay friendly? — bar, if you’re not familiar with it. They’ve got karaoke every other Friday night. And generally, one or two from the group have a holiday party at the end of the year. Last year we had a New Year’s get together at Kevin’s, which was a blast. And a picnic or two during the summer, or some other outdoor activity. If you think of anything you’d like to do beyond that, just suggest it to the group. Send out a mass email to everyone if you like or do a group text. You could also just suggest it to Matt, and he’ll run with it. He does kind of like organizing things.”
“And by ‘organizing things,’ he’s really saying that Matt is a bit of a control freak,” chuckled Ian.
“Hey, Alex,” Jesse said. “Maybe you’d like to come to the next karaoke night with us. You said you sing, after all.”
“I’ve never been to a karaoke night, so that might be fun,” commented Alex. “But,” he continued, “I will take a hard pass on singing. I like to sing, but I don’t think most people like it when I sing.”
“Ahh, I bet you’d get up on stage when you see how much fun it is,” said Jesse. “Do you think everyone who gets up on stage can sing well? Sure, some can, but there are some that can’t carry a tune in a bucket.”
“Well,” Alex said, “I’m definitely in the latter of those two groups. I was into theatre in high school. I even had the lead in a couple plays. But when it came to musicals, I said I would only do a non-singing role. I’d do chorus singing, but no solos. Then, senior year, they convinced me to take a singing role. We did No, No Nanette that year, and I played Nanette’s father. The part came with a duet with Nanette, I Want to Be Happy.[1] You probably even know the song, even if you didn’t know it was from a Broadway musical. ‘I want to be happy, but I won’t be happy, until I make you happy, too…’ The first night, I actually managed to pull it off. I remember literally jumping up and down when I got backstage, I was so thrilled. Then the second night, I froze and couldn’t find the right note. And my whole family was in the audience! I could hear people in the audience laughing. I managed to get back on, but the damage was done. I couldn’t wait for that damned show to be over.”
Alex realized then that sweat beads were forming on his forehead, which he quickly wiped away with the back of his hand. “God, I apparently am still traumatized by the memory. Besides, there’s only a limited number of karaoke songs to choose from, right? I doubt that there are any I’d like to sing.”
“No, not at all,” Ian replied. “Maybe 20 years ago, but you can pretty much take any song and separate or remove the vocals or the instrumental component, using an online program like Audacity. Really, it’s pretty simple.”
“The only problem with doing karaoke this way is you don’t have the lyrics up on a screen to read,” said Rhys. “You’ve got to know your song well.”
With a wink, Jesse added, “Nice try, Alex. I don’t think you’re going to get off that easy.”
“Okay, I’m just going to ignore that comment and change the subject altogether. I’m buying round two if everyone is done with their first.”
When Alex returned to their table, Ian asked, “So you’re just coming to terms with your sexuality?”
Alex nodded as he took a sip of his beer, then said, “Well, I guess you could say that. Really, though, more than anything I am looking for some friends. I didn’t grow up here, so friends I had from high school are nowhere nearby. I’ve lost track of most of them, anyway. And my friends from college all have moved away, either back to their hometowns and states, or they’ve found jobs elsewhere. A couple have even moved overseas. You keep in touch with them via Facebook, but that’s not the same thing as having people close-by. With the kids largely out of the house except around the holidays and during the summer, it’s pretty quiet at home. I travel quite a bit for work, too, so I’m alone out on the road. I know I’m kind of an introvert, but nonetheless, I still get lonely.
“So, when I found this group, I saw it as an opportunity to interact with other people. And since I’m also trying to be who I am, it seemed like a good fit. I guess I didn’t really consider that I’d be oldest one. Probably by a lot. I mean, you all look to be in your twenties or thirties.”
Ian commented, “Well, Robbie is obviously the youngest. He’s 19, I think.”
“He turned 20 a few months ago,” interjected Jesse.
“Like I said, he’s 19 or 20,” continued Ian, smiling. “I think most of the others are in their twenties and thirties, though there are a couple of guys who I’m pretty sure are in their forties. And anyway, who cares? You seemed to fit in just fine with the main group, and you are fitting in just fine with our little beer snob clique.”
Alex laughed. “Beer snob clique, eh? I guess I always thought that gays were more wine snobs or fancy drink snobs or something.”
“Don’t go believing all those stereotypes,” Rhys retorted. “Mind you, most of our group does like a good mimosa at brunch.”
“Okay, point taken,” said Alex. He then continued, “I’ve also been trying to chat online with some guys. Obviously, it’s not the same as being social in person, but I chat pretty regularly with a couple guys. I’m going to try and meet up with one of them on my next work trip to Ohio, which I think is going to be in a couple weeks.”
Jesse shook his head. “Alex, be careful with people you meet online. They tend to be different than the image they present.”
Alex responded, “Oh, I know to be careful. I’m not sending anyone money or anything like that.” Alex chuckled, then continued, “The guy in Ohio I’ve been chatting with seems legit, though. And if we do get together, it will just be for dinner. I’m not really looking to hook up.”
“Well, just be very careful,” said Jesse. Rhys and Ian both nodded in agreement. “This guy may be legit, or he may not be.”
“The guys I’m talking with I met in a chat room,” replied Alex. “It’s not like I was on a dating site, or Grindr, or something.”
Rhys responded, “In a way, it might be better if you were on a dating site. I’ve never used one, but I would think there might be some kind of safeguards in place, so the image that a person presents is reasonably close to what they seem to be. I think chat rooms are kind of like the wild west. And Grindr, well, Grindr is its own animal.”
“The same goes for the other gay dating apps,” added Ian.
“Dating apps? They’re hookup apps, plain and simple,” commented Jesse.
“Oh, for sure, Jesse,” Rhys interjected. “There are a couple apps that don’t even pretend to be dating apps. They straight-up bill themselves as hookup apps.”
Jesse quickly added, “Truth in advertising, I guess.”
After their second pint, the men agreed to call it a day. As they rose to their feet, Alex said, “Thanks again for being so welcoming. I know I was the oldest guy there today. So, well, just thanks.”
They retrieved their cards from the bartender and made their way out the door. The sprinkles of earlier had ended, and the sun was making an occasional brief appearance from behind the clouds. Alex commented, “Can you believe how chilly it is for early September?”
Jesse responded, “Yeah, and it’s supposed to get up to 90 degrees by Wednesday, because, you know, Iowa.” They all chuckled in agreement.
“Well, it was a pleasure meeting you all. Please let me know what the next group event is. And Rhys and Jesse, I am sure I’ll see you a time or two this week at the Y.”
“I think the next event is karaoke two Fridays from now,” said Ian. “You game?”
“I’m game to go out with you guys again, but definitely not to sing.”
“Sounds good, Alex,” Ian chuckled. “We’ll add you to the group text to finalize the time. Though we always meet there about eight p.m.”
“Cool, guys. Have a good week.” The four bumped fists before heading in different directions.
As he walked back to his car, Alex reflected on the previous few hours. ‘What on earth was I worrying about? I had a great time. Everyone was welcoming. It would’ve been nice not to be the oldest, of course…I guess I need to get used to that. And by the time we got to the Twisted Vine, I really felt comfortable.’
Before starting his car, Alex pulled out his mobile phone and checked the socials. He smiled when he saw that he had five new friend requests on Facebook.
Posted 16 November 2024