When I arrived home, Mom was in the kitchen making a salad.
“Hi, Honey,” she said.
“Hi,” I replied. Then I bit the bullet. “When you finish that, I have something I need to tell you.”
“Can’t you tell me while I’m finishing here?”
“No, I need your full attention.”
She quickly finished and sat at the kitchen table with me. “This sounds serious,” she said. “What’s going on?”
I gulped. Then I gulped again. After the third gulp I said quietly, “Mom, I’m gay.”
I looked at her face for a reaction, but at first there wasn’t any. Then she said, “Hunter, you’re not even sixteen yet. Are you sure?”
“Yes, Mom, and I’ve been sure for at least six years.”
“Come here,” she said.
I rose and went around the table, where she stood and hugged me. “Hunter, I love you, and nothing you tell me will ever change that.”
By then we were both crying.
“I love you too,” I said, burying my tears in her shoulder.
“I know enough about being gay,” she said, “that I believe it won’t be easy for you, but you have my total backing. Does anyone else know?”
“Two people,” I answered, “Molly Whittredge and Raphael Rivera.”
“Why did they know before me?”
“Well, they both figured it out. Raphael is gay too. Molly’s been very supportive, but she said that questions were beginning to get around school.”
“Let’s sit,” Mom suggested, and we did. “Are you and Raphael doing anything together?”
I nodded.
“Okay, I won’t pry, but be careful.”
“We are,” I said.
“I have to tell you that I knew something was up because lately you’ve been very cheerful. If it’s because of Raphael, that’s wonderful. But just know, you can talk with me about anything. I will always be here for you.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I said. “That means a lot.”
We ate our supper chatting about other things, and then I went to my bedroom to call Raphael. He answered on the first ring.
“Did you do it?” he asked.
“Yeah, and she was totally supportive.”
“So were Tia and Tio. I guess we’re really lucky.”
We talked for a while about our anxieties and how they were actually baseless.
Later, just after I finished my homework, I had a horrible thought. ‘What if this turns out the way my relationship with Billy did?’ I knew that Raphael wasn’t straight, but I also knew that a lot of things could happen in a relationship.
That night, I lay in bed worrying, but not enough to prevent me from my nighttime exercises.
* * * * * * * *
I had never told Raphael about my experiences with Billy. Perhaps now was the time to do it.
When I saw him in the morning I asked if we could get together after school. He wiggled his eyebrows up and down and said, “Sure.”
“No, it’s not that. There’s something I want to tell you.”
“Bad?”
“I don’t think so. Just wait.”
We parted and went off to our morning classes.
At lunch we told Molly about coming out to our families, and she congratulated us. “Was it difficult?”
“Yes,” I answered. “Very.”
“And how did they take it?”
“Really well,” answered Raphael. “We were both told that we were loved and nothing would change that.”
“Do they know about the two of you?”
“Mom, does,” I replied. “She just told me to be careful, and she didn’t pry at all.”
“I didn’t tell Tio and Tia about you, but I think they suspect. That’s okay for now.”
After school, Raphael and I rode to my house. Unlocking the door, I led him into the kitchen, where we made snacks. Mom was good about keeping our snack materials well-stocked.
As we sat at the table, Raphael asked, “So what’s this mysterious thing you want to tell me?”
Swallowing what was in my mouth, I said, “I mentioned this before, but never the details. Before you moved here, I had a relationship with an older boy. We got each other off several times, but then I saw him kissing a girl. When I confronted him, he told me he was straight, and he was just doing things with me for fun and experience.”
As I spoke, Raphael quietly reached over and took my hand.
“I was crushed, and I stayed that way for a long time. Eventually we became friends again. Now I worry that I’ll lose you, too. I know you’re not straight, but so many things could go wrong.”
Raphael sat for a bit, not speaking, before he said, “I’m glad you told me. We have to be open with each other.”
I nodded.
“Look,” he continued, still holding my hand, “we’re still pretty young, and I suppose anything could happen. Right now, I’m totally into you, and I think you’re the same with me. But who knows? Tia did tell me once that school romances don’t usually last. Right now, I’m really happy, and I love what we’re doing. Can we just leave it at that and agree to be honest and try not to hurt each other?”
“You said you love what we’re doing, but you didn’t say that you loved me,” I observed.
“Right. I don’t know what love feels like. Do I love you? How can I tell?”
“So how do you know when you love someone?”
“That’s one of the things we’ll have to figure out. Like I said, we’re young, and we don’t need to rush things.”
I wasn’t totally satisfied with his answer, but I was happy with his gentle, patient caring.
“Now,” he asked, “do you want to go to your room?”
I laughed. “That’s what Mom used to ask when I was being naughty.”
“Then let’s both be naughty,” he said, smiling.
We cleaned up our snack dishes and went upstairs. When I had locked the door, I looked at him and said, “Damn, you’re sexy. You really turn me on.”
We stripped and lay side by side on the bed, kissing and touching each other. It took no time for us both to be hard and I wanted him to bring me off at once. Raphael, however, was always the slow, patient one. He took his time, and the more time he took, the harder and more excited I grew. I was afraid I’d cum without him ever touching my cock, but he knew what he was doing, and finally he brought me to an ecstatic climax.
An hour later, having showered together, we unlocked the door and went into the living room. Mom was just getting home.
Opening the door from the hallway, she saw us and said, “Hi, boys. How was your day?”
“Good,” I answered. “How was yours?”
“Busy and tiring, but still good.”
We talked for a few minutes before Raphael announced that he needed to get home. I walked him to the front door and, when we were on the porch, I kissed him one last time before he left.
In the days that followed, Raphael and I continued to explore each other.
In time, the school year ended, and I had another wonderful summer swimming at Billy’s house. We were usually joined by others, which made the playing and games more enjoyable.
* * * * * * * *
When school began in the fall, Raphael and I were in the ninth grade and in the high school. I was nervous as usual at the beginning, but soon found that it wasn’t that much different from eighth grade.
My friends continued to meet for lunch, and we often exchanged thoughts on the different classes, sometimes helping each other when we had difficulty with an assignment.
Meanwhile, Raphael and I got alone together as often as we could. In addition to exploring each other’s bodies, we often talked about love—what it meant, what it felt like, and how we would know if we were in love. We never came to any conclusions, until one day Raphael said thoughtfully, “I think love is when you can’t wait to be with someone, and you share everything. When you are together, your heart beats faster, and when you’re apart, you really miss the person.”
“If that’s the case,” I said, “then I must be in love.”
“Me too,” he replied.
We hugged and kissed each other, and then made passionate, fulfilling love. From then on, we knew we were in love and we vowed to stay that way forever.
I’ve mentioned that Mom and I visited my grandparents every Sunday. Since none of us were churchgoers, we usually arrived around 10 o’clock, had lunch, which was really dinner, and returned home about 2:00, leaving early as we always did so that my grandparents could have an afternoon nap.
They were always very kind to me, and I loved them.
One Sunday, Mom said that I should tell them about being gay.
“Do you think they’ll be okay with it?” I asked.
“I’m sure they’ll be more okay than they would be if they found out later by accident.”
Telling Mom was probably the hardest thing I’d ever had to do but telling them wasn’t going to be much easier.
When we were all sitting in their parlor, Mom said, “Hunter has something he wants to tell you.”
They looked at me expectantly. I took a deep breath and said, “I’m gay.”
I don’t know just what reaction I expected. Grandma looked for a moment at Mom, and then looked back at me and said, “Oh. Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’ve been sure for a long time.”
Grandpa cleared his throat and said, “Well…” but didn’t go on.
“Are you unhappy with me?” I finally asked.
Grandma seemed to recover and said, “No, sweetheart, we’re just surprised, that’s all. You know we love you, and what you just said doesn’t change that. We’ll always love you and support you in every way we can.”
Grandpa just sat and nodded. I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking.
Mom quickly changed the subject, and we went on as though nothing had been said. I wasn’t sure just what had happened, but there had been some sort of silent communication between Mom and Grandma.
On the way home, I asked Mom about it.
“Oh,” she said, “it was nothing.”
But I knew it wasn’t nothing. Something had happened.
The school year wore on. Raphael and I spent as much time together outside of school as we could. In addition to our lovemaking, he continued to coach me in soccer and when the weather permitted, we played tennis. Often, Tommy joined us on the soccer field or the tennis courts. He was a good athlete and held his own with either of us in tennis.
* * * * * * * *
That year in school I took the driver’s ed course so that I could apply for my license. It was pretty easy. When I was old enough, I could apply for a learner’s permit. I looked online to find out what I would need, and I discovered that I would need proof of citizenship. I decided that probably my birth certificate would prove that I was born in this country and how old I was. I had never seen my birth certificate, but I knew that Mom kept a file of family papers in her desk. She was at work, so I went to find it.
I dug around in her desk and at last found the file in the bottom drawer. Opening it, I spread out the papers on her bed. I found a birth certificate, but it wasn’t mine. It was for a boy named Parker Knight. Then I went cold. I realized that Parker’s birthdate was the same as mine. His father’s name was Walter Knight.
How could that be? Was I a twin and had my twin died?
Poking farther through the papers I found a divorce document, certifying the divorce of Gail Martin from Walter Knight. I couldn’t understand all the legalese, but it certainly seemed that my mother had been married to Walter and that he was my father.
Had he not died, as Mom told me? Was he alive and living in Florida?
I picked up all the other papers, put them back in the file, and returned them to Mom’s desk. I kept the birth certificate and the divorce document.
When Raphael arrived, I told him I had something to show him. I took him into the kitchen and we sat at the table, where I put the two documents in front of him. He looked at them, then looked more carefully. Finally he said, “Holy shit! Do these mean you aren’t who you thought you were?”
“That’s what I’m wondering. But why would Mom lie to me?” Neither of us had an answer to that question.
I really didn’t feel like fooling around that day, and he said that was fine. We just sat and talked over sandwiches and apples, but he did most of the talking. I felt that familiar touch on my arm as he tried to help me deal with my questions.
“What can I do?” I asked him.
“I guess you’ll have to ask her what the truth is.”
“I think she’ll be really pissed that I found these.”
“Yeah. Well, there’s nothing she can do about that now. You have to ask.”
When we heard Mom’s car come into the drive, Raphael said that he’d better go and leave the two of us to sort it all out. I kissed him at the door, but my heart wasn’t in it. Instead, it was pounding with anxiety.
Mom came in the apartment, said cheerfully, “Hi, honey,” and put down her purse and a couple of bags of food. “Would you go out and bring in the other bags?” She asked.
“Sure,” I replied. Anything to put off the confrontation.
Sitting at the table after she put the groceries away, I told her about the learner’s permit and needing my birth certificate. Then I told her what I had found when I went looking for it and put the papers in front of her.
I’ve heard of people turning pale, but I’d never seen it happen until that moment.