April passed as we helped with farming and planting in the vegetable garden. Grandpa and I were beginning to get along better. He had explained that, when we had come to the farm, he had more work to do, like laundry and cooking so he needed some help. He also said that he was getting older and that last year he had had to hire somebody to help with the work. Hiring somebody was a major drain on his meager income.
The work in the potato field seemed endless. It was backbreaking because the seed potatoes had to be planted by hand and then mounded with soil. Before we even finished the first day we ached all over our bodies. We worked in the fields every afternoon after school until it was time for chores and all day Saturdays. As the days went on we grew stronger and more accustomed to the work. I was secretly proud to be filling out some, my arms and legs growing fuller and more muscular while my chest lost some of its childlike appearance and began to take on a more grownup look. I enjoyed the challenge and the feeling of hard, physical work, but I still didn’t tell anybody else.
In early May, I entered the school lunchroom one day to find a boy I didn’t know sitting at the table I had shared only with Josh. I knew I had seen him but had no idea who he was. I did notice that the other kids in the room were staring at the newcomer and wondered why.
Josh introduced him as Jesse Fallon, and suddenly I knew, with awe, that I was meeting a senior, and not just any senior but a living legend. Jesse had been the quarterback and captain of the football team which went to the state finals, the captain and star guard of the basketball team which won the state championship, and now he was the captain and a starting pitcher on the baseball team. But I was puzzled, first because Jesse had joined us of all people and second because seniors did not eat at the same time as freshmen.
Seeing my expression Jesse grinned and said, “I guess I should explain why I’m here. I have a study hall scheduled right now, but if seniors get good enough grades we can cut study hall, which is what I’m doing. The other reason I’m here is that I’ve heard you two have been getting a lot of flak from your classmates so I wanted to give you some support.”
I gulped and asked, “Are you…?
“Gay?”
“Yeah.”
“No, I’m not. It’s just that I don’t think gay kids should be singled out for abuse. I’ve known for a long time that Josh was gay and that he was having a hard time. Are you gay?”
That was the question that I’d feared ever since I’d begun at the school, and I didn’t know how to answer it because I didn’t know whether or not I was. Finally I said, “No, I don’t think I am and I sure don’t wanna be. But Josh is a good friend and I really don’t care whether he’s gay or not.”
Josh put in, “I’m not gay because I wanna be. I’m gay because I am. My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t, but I just am.”
Jesse nodded. “I think from what I’ve read that a lot of boys go through a time when they’re attracted to other boys and then eventually most of them become turned on by girls. But Josh here has been sure he’s gay all along. Josh, I’ve been wondering if some of the flak you get from other boys might be because they’re uncertain about themselves so they’re fending off those thoughts by being mean to you.” Turning to me he said, “Greg, whether you are or not, I know it takes courage to sit at this table. It took courage for me to sit here today, but I plan to do it for a while and we’ll see what happens.”
We chatted happily for the rest of the meal. When I left the table, I felt better than I had in a long time.
On the bus home, I described what had happened to Derek, who was awestruck at the idea that his brother actually knew Jesse, the star.
That Wednesday at breakfast I got up the courage to ask Grandpa if Josh could spend the weekend with us.
“Doesn’t he have to work?” he asked.
“No. He doesn’t live on a farm. His dad’s a banker in town. I told him I’d ask you and he said he’d be glad to help with the work if he came.”
“So where do you envision him sleeping?”
“I guess we could spread an old quilt on the floor and give him a couple of blankets,” I answered.
“That doesn’t sound very hospitable.”
“Well, then I could sleep on the floor and he could use my bed.”
“Derek and I could share a bed,” Teddy offered.
“No way!” Derek interjected.
Grandpa agreed that if I slept on the floor Josh could visit, so before school, I gave the news to Josh, who said he’d bring clothes. When I warned him to bring something for church he raised his eyebrows a bit, but said, “OK.”
Meanwhile, Jesse continued to sit at our table, which Josh and I had long ago dubbed The Fag Table. Interestingly, the second day Jesse sat there, one of the other freshman boys joined us, and by Friday, we were turning boys away for lack of space.
We all talked about everything but being gay, which was fine with me and Josh, who wondered what would happen when Jesse didn’t show up one day. There was, of course, a lot of talk about sports, but Jesse also talked a lot about school and working hard, telling the other boys that getting good grades was definitely worth the effort. He announced that he would be going to The University of New Hampshire in the fall. Since few boys from our school went on to college we were very impressed and vowed to work hard.
Friday afternoon, Josh met me at the bus and I introduced him to my brothers. My brothers knew that Josh was gay, although Grandpa did not. I had said nothing about it to him because I thought maybe he’d refuse to let Josh sleep over if he knew.
By now, Charlie somehow knew when the bus was coming and he always met us in the afternoon, greeting each of us with a slobbery kiss. I introduced him to Josh, whom he sniffed thoroughly, his tail wagging, before we walked up our drive.
Josh helped with the chores and joined in the conversation over supper. At the end of the meal, he offered to wash the dishes, so while Grandpa and my brothers set up the Parcheesi board, Josh washed and I dried.
When we finished, Josh asked me, “Do you know how to play chess?”
“Yeah, but I don’t know if we have a board and chess pieces.”
“We do,” said Grandpa without looking up. “Look on the top shelf of the cupboard where we keep the Parcheesi game.”
Soon Josh and I were engrossed in a chess battle, saying little except, “Oh, thank you!” or, “I never saw that!” or “YES!” or “Darn!”
When we all said goodnight and headed up to bed, I told Josh that I would sleep on the floor and he could have my bed. “No way!” said Josh. “I can sleep perfectly well on the floor.”
“But Grandpa said that wouldn’t be right, that the guest should have the bed.”
“I’ll make a deal with you,” Josh replied. “I’ll sleep in the bed tonight and on the floor tomorrow night. Then Sunday night we can shoot for it.” So we agreed.
I wasn’t particularly comfortable on the floor, but I eventually got to sleep.
In the middle of the night, I felt Josh crawl in beside me. “Don’t worry,” Josh whispered. “I’m not going to do anything. I just thought it would be warmer this way. So we slept. Early in the morning, before the clang of the frying pan, Josh returned to the bed.
Throughout the day we worked in the huge vegetable garden, hoeing and weeding. Josh, who had never worked in a garden, was full of questions about what was growing, when the vegetables were planted, how big they would grow, and whether we grew enough to last us through the winter and the spring. I was enjoying the role of the “expert” as I had already asked Grandpa the same questions.
After supper that night, it was time for baths. I wasn’t sure how Josh would feel about bathing in the kitchen, but when I explained it Josh said, “Fine. I need a bath.” Of course, the guest bathed first followed by me and my brothers and then Grandpa. As he was bathing, Josh kept up a line of chatter, saying that his parents had told him that this was the way they had bathed when they were kids and that they didn’t have indoor plumbing until they moved to town. “I’m certainly glad we don’t have to use an outhouse anymore.” We all agreed, especially Grandpa who of course had more experience with one than the rest of us.
As agreed, I started off in the bed that night but had discovered the night before that I enjoyed being beside Josh, so after my brothers were asleep, I moved down on the floor. Unfortunately, I didn’t wake in the morning until the clang of the frying pan, so my brothers discovered the two of us sleeping together.
They said nothing as we did our chores, had breakfast, and dressed for church, but as we were going out to the wagon to ride to church, Derek asked me quietly, “Did you two really sleep together last night?”
I nodded, blushing a little.
“Did anything happen? I mean…well…You know what I mean.”
“No,” I replied quietly. “Please don’t say anything to Grandpa.”
Derek promised and later pulled Teddy aside to warn him.
Following church, Sunday dinner, and a change of clothes, we all decided to explore the woods. For May it was a warm day, so we enjoyed the shade. Josh said he had never been to a church service but thought it was “interesting,” meaning, perhaps, that he wasn’t eager to do it again soon. As things turned out, whenever he was with us on a weekend he went to church.
In a part of the woods which we hadn’t explored before, we discovered a swiftly running stream which fell over some rocks creating a pool below. Charlie was with us and he plunged right in. I could swear he was grinning. Derek bent over and felt the water, pronouncing it frigid.
Josh looked us over then began stripping off his clothes saying, “Last one in does the dishes tonight!”
We had to coax Teddy into the cold water, but soon we were shivering and splashing each other, laughing uproariously. We were a little careful with Teddy, because in some places the water came over his head, but we watched him and, once he got in and used to the water, he joined in happily.
When we got out Charlie shook himself vigorously and rolled in some grass. We lay naked in the sun on the warm rocks to dry off. As I lay catching an occasional glimpse of Josh’s body and especially his crotch, I acknowledged to myself that, not only was he beautiful but I had enjoyed the contact with him in the water. Then I had to change my thoughts as I began to grow hard.
Over supper that night, we told Grandpa about our find. “Oh yes,” he answered, “I used that waterhole for years, and so did your father and your uncles.”
There was silence at the table. I was the only one who had had even a hint about an uncle and certainly not more than one. I wondered why we had never met them. Grandpa, aware of the silence, said, “Someday I’ll tell you about your uncles, but I’m not ready to do that yet.”
Derek broke the silence by announcing, “Teddy has to do the dishes.” Teddy looked a little crestfallen so Josh immediately volunteered to help and soon all of us were doing the dishes and putting them away.
That night as we got ready for bed, Derek asked, “So who’s going to sleep in Greg’s bed tonight?”
Josh and I looked at each other and shrugged. It was Teddy who came up with the solution. “Why don’t we all sleep on the floor? It’d be like camping out.” The rest of us laughed, collected our pillows and blankets, and were soon lying on the floor, with me and Josh in the middle and Derek and Teddy at either end. Perhaps nobody was totally comfortable, but it was fun, and we talked and laughed and giggled until we fell asleep.
In the middle of the night, I awoke with a very hard erection and realized I had been dreaming about Josh sunning himself on the rocks. Finally I got up carefully, went into the lavatory, and relieved myself. As I left, I met Josh, who clearly had a boner and was about to do the same. We snickered before Josh closed the door and I went back to bed.