Slowly, I became aware of a terrible pain in my head as I lay face down in the snow. Then I heard shouting and scuffling. I tried to open my eyes, but the sun on the snow made my head throb more, so I closed them again. The next thing I heard was a siren. The siren stopped, a car door slammed, and footsteps came crunching through the snow toward me. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I moved a little.
“Are you okay?” a man asked.
“Not really,” I answered, but my voice was so weak I don’t know if he heard me.
“What hurts?” he asked.
I rolled onto my side. “My head.” Slowly, I opened my eyes a little and saw Officer Conlin looking at me anxiously. I tried to sit up, but I felt dizzy, so I just lay there as my head pounded.
The officer said to me, “Lie still and I’ll be back in a minute.” He walked away and I heard a commotion and some older boys protesting. Then I heard them half-walking half-being-dragged to the police car. The doors were opened, and I heard the older boys protest more as they were shoved inside and the doors slammed shut.
I looked up to see Parker kneeling beside me. There were tears in his eyes as he asked, “Are you okay? Do you want me to help you sit up?”
I tried to nod but it hurt too much, so I just said a feeble, “Okay.”
Very gently, he took my shoulders and helped me sit up. I wasn’t as dizzy that time, so I tried to stand up. What a mistake that was! My head started swimming and I almost passed out again.
“Shit!” I exclaimed as Parker held me and helped me lie back down.
Other kids were there too. All of the kids who were on the bus, even the ones who were supposed to go on to further stops, had gotten off and joined the battle. I learned later that the bus driver waited for them. Then Mom was there, kneeling beside me and asking what had happened. Everyone began talking at once. From what I gathered, the three older boys had attacked me and Parker. One of them hit me with the baseball bat. At that point, Patrick and the others joined in, finally pinning the three in the snow. One of the girls ran to her house to call the police. Mom must have heard the siren.
Officer Conlin rejoined us and told Mom he thought I should get checked out at the hospital, so she went to get our car. Meanwhile, the others told Officer Conlin what had happened, and he said they should all go to the police station to make statements.
The station was within walking distance, so all the kids from our stop, except Parker, Patrick, and me, went to their homes to tell their parents what had happened before they went to the station, while the other kids got back on the bus.
Mom and Parker helped me into the backseat of the car. Parker sat holding my head and shoulders while I lay across the seat. Patrick insisted that he was going too, so he sat in the front seat. Officer Conlin leaned in and told Parker that it was important for me not to go to sleep, and then he closed the door. As soon as we were all settled, Mom drove off. Parker kept talking to keep me awake.
At the hospital in Hyannis, Mom went in and brought out a wheelchair. Then she wheeled me into the Emergency Room with Parker and Patrick following. Mom went to a desk and told them what had happened. She returned in a moment and said, “Brian, we really need to stop these trips to the hospital.” Even I giggled a little, although my head was still pounding.
An orderly came out and took me into the examining area, where he helped me get on the gurney. As I moved, I felt very dizzy and said, “I think I’m gonna throw up.” Hastily, he produced a small basin into which I vomited repeatedly, my head throbbing with each spasm, until there was nothing left to throw up. I lay back exhausted and the orderly stayed with me until a nurse came in. She asked what had happened. With my head aching so, it was hard for me to even talk, but I was able to tell her briefly that I had been hit in the head with a baseball bat. She flashed a light into my eyes and asked me where it hurt. I pointed to the back of my head where the bat had hit me.
She wrote out an order for X-rays. She told the orderly to take me to the X-ray department, and off I went. This routine was beginning to feel familiar. Several pictures were taken of my head before I was wheeled back to the ER.
There I waited until a doctor came in and said, “Well, the good news is that you don’t seem to have a fractured skull. What we don’t know and can’t tell is whether there’s any internal bleeding. It’s pretty clear, though, that you at least have a serious concussion.” He, too, flashed a light into my eyes. Then he told me he was going to admit me to the hospital for at least 24 hours to be sure I would be okay.
I asked him if I could have something for the headache and he said all I could have would be aspirin for the time being because he didn’t want to give me anything that would make me drowsy. He ordered some aspirin, but it didn’t really seem to help.
After I was taken upstairs and put in a room, Mom, Parker, and Patrick appeared beside my bed. Mom asked me how I felt. I wanted to say, “Pretty shitty,” but we didn’t talk that way around adults in the 1950s, so I just said, “Terrible.”
They only stayed a few minutes before Mom said they were going to so I could rest.
When they left, I became aware of a person in the other bed, a man who asked what had happened to me. I didn’t really feel like talking but I did tell him I got hit with a baseball bat.
“Ouch!” he remarked, and I thought that certainly summed up the situation.
I tried to throw up a few more times but I just had dry heaves. The nurse kept telling me to drink water, which I did, but of course it soon came back up. About seven at night, the feeling passed and was replaced by a terribly empty feeling. When I told the nurse that, she went and returned with some hot broth and Saltines, which I managed to eat and keep down.
Every few hours the nurse gave me more aspirin, but my head continued to throb. She kept track of me all night. For a while she told me not to sleep. Eventually she said I could, but I didn’t sleep very much that night. I lay wishing I wasn’t alone, that Parker was there to keep me company. Oh, I didn’t wish for sex because I knew what that would do to my head. I just wanted him there with me. At one point I began to wonder if I was falling in love with him, but that was too hard to think about, so I dropped the idea. Towards morning I guess I dozed off.
In the morning, a tray came for me. All it had on it was some juice, some skim milk, and some crackers. I devoured the lot.
Promptly at 10 o’clock, Mom, Dad and Parker arrived. Mom asked how I was feeling. I told her that my head still hurt but it didn’t seem to be throbbing like it was the night before.
When the doctor came in, he asked me a few questions, flashed a light in my eyes, and then suggested I try to walk. I eased myself around and tried to slide off the edge of the bed. As soon as I was standing, I felt very dizzy and nearly passed out. Fortunately, the doctor and Parker both had hold of me. They very gently helped me back into bed and eventually the room stopped going round and round.
“Well,” the doctor said at last, “I want you to stay here at least until tomorrow. Then we’ll see how you’re feeling and go on from there.” I was sad because I really wanted to go home, but after my attempt to stand, I realized I couldn’t.
Mom, Dad, and Parker stayed with me all day. Sometimes I dozed off, and sometimes we talked. I have no idea now what we talked about. I was just happy to have them there.
A little after noon, Mom and Dad went to the cafeteria to get some lunch, leaving Parker with me. I told him about wondering last night if I was falling in love with him. I had to say it very quietly because of the man in the other bed. Parker smiled and said, “That’s amazing, because last night, for the first time, I wondered about that too.”
I grinned happily before I asked him, “How do you suppose those bullies found out?”
“Well,” he said, “Phillip’s brother was the one with the bat, and I suppose Phillip told him what Patrick said.”
“So I guess Patrick didn’t convince him he was only kidding.”
“I guess not.”
After my parents returned, bringing a sandwich for Parker, the three of them stayed until visiting hours ended. I was glad for the company and sorry that I sometimes dozed off. After they left, I realized that my head wasn’t hurting nearly as badly.
When the nurse came in to settle me for the night, she asked if I was feeling any better and I told her I was. She gave me some meds, checked to be sure I had water and I knew where my call button was. She didn’t actually tuck me in, but I enjoyed feeling a little pampered. When she left, she turned out my light and I settled in to go to sleep.
Sleep didn’t come for a long time. At first I wondered again how the three bullies knew Parker and I were gay. I decided Parker must have been right. Then I wondered if everyone in the school knew and how they would react to us. Finally, my thoughts turned to Parker and I wondered if we were really falling in love. I realized I didn’t know what loving someone felt like and I wondered how I could know. At last I decided I didn’t really need to know; I didn’t need to put a name to what I was feeling. I just knew that I was happiest when I was with him, and when I saw him coming sometimes my heart would beat faster. If that was love, I was fine with it.
The next morning, I was brought a more substantial breakfast and I wolfed it all down. Then I realized my head hardly hurt at all. Again, on the dot of 10 o’clock, Mom, Dad, and Parker walked into my room. Looking at Parker, I asked, “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?”
“Yeah,” he replied, “but I’m not going back until I know you’re okay. And that’s fine with George and Thelma.”
We all talked easily until the doctor came into the room. After asking more questions, he suggested that I try to stand up. Again, I slid my feet over the edge of the bed and slowly dropped them to the floor. This time, I wasn’t dizzy, so the doctor encouraged me to take a few steps. While I was a little shaky, I managed to walk to the door and back.
Turning to my parents, the doctor said, “I think he can go home. For now, he shouldn’t try to walk unless someone is with him, and he shouldn’t go to school for at least the rest of the week. Then, if he’s feeling strong enough, he can go, but if he tires easily he should try half days for a while. He had a pretty serious knock on the head, and we don’t want to take any chances.”
Looking at me, he said, “If your headache comes back or if you’re feeling dizzy or have trouble focusing your eyes, you must come back here immediately. Do you understand?”
I told him I did, and he left to prepare my discharge papers. I was wheeled to the lobby. Dad pulled the car up, and the orderly and Parker helped me into the back seat.
Back home, Parker helped me out of the car and held my arm as I walked slowly to the door. He hovered over me as I went into the living room and lay on the couch. Then he brought me some water and pulled down the window shades so the light wasn’t so bright. He stayed with me all afternoon. When I had to take a pee, he took me to the bathroom. At supper he brought me a tray. At bedtime, my parents and I decided that I would sleep on the couch, so I didn’t have to deal with the stairs. Parker ran upstairs and fetched my toothbrush and toothpaste. Then he helped me into the bathroom, where I washed my face and hands, and brushed my teeth. I turned to the toilet to pee. “I think I can do this on my own,” I giggled. Of course, I wouldn’t have minded at all if he had held my cock while I peed, but the bathroom door was open, so he just stood back a little until I was finished.
I lay back down on the couch. Parker covered me with blankets, and Mom brought me a brass bell which she told me to ring if I needed anything in the night. “Don’t try to get up by yourself,” she reminded me, and I promised her I would ring the bell.
I fell asleep quickly, but in the middle of the night I woke up and had to pee again. I rang the bell. Mom emerged from her bedroom and Parker came hustling down the stairs. When I told them what I needed, Parker again helped me to the bathroom and then back to the couch, where he really did tuck me in.
In the morning I sat at the table for breakfast. Parker ate quickly, kissed me goodbye when my parents’ backs were turned, and hurried off to school.
The day passed slowly. Dad went off to work, so Mom and I were alone in the house. I tried reading, but I couldn’t really concentrate. Mom put some LPs on the phonograph, and I lay back and listened. Unlike most teenagers of the day, I really liked classical music. Sometimes I wished that I could play an instrument. I had tried to take piano lessons, but I found them frustrating because I could never get even the simplest tunes to sound the way I thought they should. Eventually I gave up.
When Parker returned in the afternoon, he brought some of my schoolbooks and homework. He said that all the teachers had commented that I shouldn’t try to do any of the work until I felt up to it.
We sat at the kitchen table as Parker worked on his homework. I tried a little of an English assignment, but I still couldn’t concentrate so I gave up. A few times I helped him with his history assignment.
When Mom was out of the room, I asked Parker whether the whole school knew about us, and, if so, how they reacted to him. “Yeah, of course the whole school knows, but most of the kids are okay. There were a few who made snide comments in the halls and a couple even gave me the finger. When they did that I called after them that I was ready if they were. I don’t think they thought that was funny, but some of the other kids in the hall did. Most of the boys at our lunch table were fine. I think Patrick may have done a little advance work for me. Only Phillip, who said he didn’t want anything to do with faggots, left the table and joined another group.
“The boys who attacked us went to some sort of juvenile court and were given community service and put on probation for a year. A lot of the kids at school ostracized them, even ones who don’t approve of us. They said that there was no excuse for trying to beat the shit out of us.”
I thanked him for the report. I knew that, while I might lose a few friends like Phillip, they weren’t really true friends anyway.
The rest of the week passed slowly, but I was eventually able to concentrate well enough to do some of my schoolwork, and by the weekend I felt ready to go back to school.