Flipping the Coin
CHAPTER 9
SURVIVING HIGH SCHOOL
Carl came over on Sunday morning. We talked some about Mother and about how she seemed to have been such a sad person. While neither of us said it, I’m sure we both thought that was Father’s fault. Eventually, we talked of other things. He told me about playing with the varsity baseball team now that he was a senior, and he said he was enjoying that.
The Rajavis invited Carl to lunch and he accepted. During lunch, he chatted with both adults and seemed to enjoy them. At one point, he asked me, “Do I dare ask you how math is going?”
I said, “Roshan is brilliant at math and has been my savior. In fact, I’m actually beginning to enjoy it.” I joined in the general laughter that followed.
Then the talk turned to me and about where I would live. None of us thought that I should live alone in our house and soon Carl would be away at school full time.
Dr. Rajavis said, “My wife and I think you should move in permanently with us.” I felt my heart pound joyfully in my chest. “Of course,” he went on, “we haven’t mentioned this to Roshan because there was a bit of investigating we had to do first. We’ve looked into fostering you and we think there won’t be any problem. And of course, the invitation includes Orion.”
Roshan and I let out simultaneous whoops of joy. I jumped up and hugged all three of them. I was so excited I hugged Carl and Orion too, saying happily to Orion, “Hey, boy, we’re gonna live here full time! Isn’t that great?” I don’t think he understood what I was saying, but I’m sure he understood my excitement and joy, as he put his forepaws up on me and wagged his tail vigorously.
We spent much of the afternoon moving my stuff and getting me settled in the guest room. The Rajavis and I drove to my house as Roshan and I excitedly talked in the back seat. Carl followed behind. Carl, Roshan and I went upstairs to pack my clothes, my computer, my schoolbooks and pencils and pens and paper. I also wanted to take my butterfly collection because I intended to keep adding to it with the insects I was collecting. We loaded everything into the two cars, including Orion, his bed, his toys, and his dishes. Then we drove to the Rajavis’ house. There we carried everything into the house and up the stairs to my new room. I told Roshan that I guessed I was going to have to be neater now and he laughed, saying it really wasn’t so hard once you got into the routine of it. In addition to the bed, there was a desk, a large dresser, and a huge closet. Roshan noticed that the bedspread and curtains were a bit frilly, but he assured me that that could soon be changed.
We put my insect collection in the basement, which was completely finished off and had a large room, a bedroom, and a complete bathroom. There were several tables in the large room, so I took some time to arrange my collection logically. It was the first time I was able to do that, as before it had always been stored in my closet. Wherever I went, Orion followed me. I put his bed in my room as well as some of his toys. With the Rajavis permission, I put some of his toys in the living room and his food and water bowls out-of-the-way in the kitchen.
Mrs. Rajavi said that Carl was welcome to stay with us as long as he wanted, and they could give him privacy in the basement rooms. He thanked them but had already decided that he was going to live with his friend, at least until the end of the school year.
He left about 5 o’clock, saying he would check in with me often. Before he left, he gave me a big hug, saying, “Keep in touch, Little Brother.” I assured him I would.
At dinner that night, I asked Dr. and Mrs. Rajavi what I should call them.
“What would you like to call us?”
“Would it be okay with you if I called you Mom and Dad like Roshan does?”
Mrs. Rajavi looked at her husband for a moment until he nodded and then said, “That’s fine with us, but you had a mother and still have a father. Wouldn’t that be confusing for you?”
“I never called them Mom and Dad, I always called them Mother and Father, so there’s no way it would be confusing for me.” So it was agreed.
Later in the evening, Roshan and I went up to bed. I went into my room with Orion, took off my clothes, and put on a pair of pajamas. Just as I finished, my door to the bathroom opened. Roshan was standing there, saying, “I don’t really think we need to keep these two doors closed if that’s all right with you.” It was fine with me. We had both used the bathroom together before with no problem, and we could certainly do it now.
In the bathroom, we peed and brushed our teeth. Then we hugged and gently kissed and said good night. As we left the bathroom, Roshan turned off the bathroom light leaving just a little night light on. I turned off the light by my bed, crawled in, and lay on my side with Orion beside me.
A few moments later, I heard Roshan whisper, “Orion, get in your bed.”
“He won’t do that unless you give him a treat,” I whispered, telling Roshan where the treats were. He returned with the treats and, with a groan, Orion dropped to the floor and went to his bed.
Roshan climbed into my bed, facing me. It seemed like a long time since we had been in bed together. We kissed and rubbed each other all over. Our tongues soon found their way into each other’s mouths. I love the male taste of him as I licked his neck and his chest before moving down to his cock. First, I licked all around the tip of it before I took it in my mouth. He groaned, and I began moving up and down with my lips. He soon came in my mouth with his warm, sticky, sweet-salt taste. I loved it as I swallowed it. As I lay back, Rochon moved down and soon he was sucking me. I quickly came, a long series of sublime contractions until I finally finished. He moved back facing me and we kissed, our tongues once again exploring each other. Roshan spent the rest of the night in my bed as we cuddled together.
Of course, I went back to school on Monday. A few of the teachers expressed their condolences. I’m not sure that any of the kids even knew that my mother had died.
A few days later after dinner, Dad handed me a large, flat, square package. Wondering what it was, I opened it and discovered a beautiful calligraphic piece. The background was light green and the calligraphy had been done in a dark red.
“What does it say?” I asked.
“Allah The All Merciful,” he replied.
I gave him a big hug and said, “It’s beautiful! I love it!” which I really did. Dad, Roshan and I went upstairs, and I picked out a spot above my desk where we hung it. In the days, months, and years to come, I gazed at it often. It always warmed and calmed me. I never really believed in God or Allah or whatever people called him, but I liked the thought that, if he did exist, he was kind and merciful.
In the days and weeks ahead, Roshan continued practicing the cello and was soon back in the school orchestra. He wasn’t the first chair cellist yet, but he promised he would be by the beginning of the next school year, and I believed him.
Meanwhile, school dragged on. My grades were still improving thanks to Roshan. I continued to see Dr. Max twice a week. Eventually I got over feeling guilty and told him I no longer knew how I felt about Mother. In time, I decided I didn’t really have much feeling towards her at all. I was sad about that, but it was just the way things were.
Orion and I once again eagerly chased butterflies and other insects. Once in a while, Orion even caught an insect, although he never knew what to do with it. Roshan usually didn’t accompany us now as he was busy practicing. By the end of the school term he had become the second chair cellist and knew that next year he would be first chair unless some brilliant cellist enrolled in the school, because the present first chair cellist was a senior.
We all went to the school orchestra spring concert. I enjoyed it and thought it was quite good although I saw Mom and Dad occasionally look at each other with raised eyebrows. During intermission, I asked them, “What were the looks with the raised eyebrows about?” They laughed but wouldn’t tell me, except to say that it had nothing to do with Roshan. That evening, after we had gone up to bed, I asked Roshan about it. He smiled and said, “Well, there were a few sounds that came out of the orchestra which were not really intended. None of them however,” he added somewhat proudly, “came out of the cello section!”
Roshan and I continued frequent adventures in bed together. I loved discovering new, sensitive, thrilling spots on in his warm, smooth body. We had gone online and seen what other gay young men did. However, we did not get into anal sex. We decided we just weren’t ready for that yet, although an occasional finger did find its way around and into our asses.
We certainly did not have sex every night. We did at first, and on weekends we had it multiple times. Finally, one night, I said rather sheepishly, “I’m exhausted! I’m not sure I can keep on doing it every night!”
Laughing, Roshan admitted that he was having the same problem. After that, we did it occasionally during the week when we weren’t too tired from school and homework and a few times on weekends.
One night as we finished, I asked, “Do you think Mom and Dad know what’s going on?”
We both giggled as Roshan said, “Maybe, but I hope not.”
We still went to the park from time to time. We even found a spot in the woods nearby a stream sheltered by trees where we could make out happily. We enjoyed it, because the only other place we could do that was in our bedrooms. Being outside added some spice and danger to the experience.
We went to Carl’s high school graduation in late May. I thought it was terribly boring. The only good part was when the school orchestra played. Nevertheless, when it finally ended, I clapped him on the back and congratulated him. He had been accepted at the University of Massachusetts to study business administration.
Father had signed a notarized document which gave Carl access to the family’s bank accounts. Unbeknownst to us, he had been setting aside money for years and there was now several hundred thousand dollars in the account. Money came from what he had saved as well as money he had inherited. Carl used the account for the taxes on the house and would use it, with Father’s permission, for his tuition and boarding. He hoped that by taking some summer school classes, he could graduate in three years. By fall, he would be basically living at the university.
Since there would be no more use for our house until Father got out of jail, Carl and I closed it up. Together we drained the plumbing so it wouldn’t burst in the winter. Since this was the first time we had done it, we managed to spray cold water all over ourselves as we laughed uproariously. We turned the heat down to about 45°. From time to time, I would return there to get something which I had forgotten and to check that everything was okay, but for all practical purposes the house remained closed. I was never comfortable in that house.
Dr. Max and I agreed to scale back to one visit a week, and he said that soon we could scale it back more if I felt comfortable with that.
The school year finally ended with us both on the honor roll. That was a very new thing for me, but Roshan took it as a matter of course. Now that we were both 16, we could work, so we both got summer jobs at a fast food shop. Roshan practiced hard in his spare time while Orion and I raced through fields of flowers, catching insects which I then killed and mounted. All the time I was studying and learning about my ever-increasing collection and wanting to know more and more.
When the fall semester began, Roshan was indeed in the first cello chair of the school orchestra. He also tried out for the Youth Symphony Orchestra in the city. He was accepted in the cello section, although at that point he was in the last cello chair. He said that was fine with him because it gave him a chance to move up through the section and incentive to practice even harder.
I had decided to continue with Spanish because I had made a lot of progress last year and because I had a built-in tutor. I had steadily improved and had gotten to the point where Roshan and I could have simple conversations in Spanish.
Nothing special happened in school that year which pleased me as I’d had way too much drama in my life. We did make some friends, most of whom knew we were gay and were okay with it. Perhaps a few of them were gay themselves although, if they were, they were still in the closet.
We again worked in the summer, although ay different stores. We were saving money to buy cars and we had a contest to see who could save the most money. As a result, we spent very little of what we earned. Neither of us told the other how much we had until Labor Day, when we compared our balances. I won by a whopping $27.38. The two of us together had saved enough to buy one somewhat decent car, but we decided not to do that because we thought we might always be fighting over who got to use it.
Our junior year was again much like the others. Roshan and I were communicating quite a bit in Spanish now. Much to his surprise, he had moved all the way up to second chair in the Youth Symphony Orchestra, and he thought he had a good chance to take over the first chair position when he was a senior.
We still spent a lot of time together, studying together, talking together, going to the park together, and having sex together.
Often, I wondered, why do I deserve having such a wonderful boy? I could never answer that question, but I was so grateful to the powers that be, whoever they were, for bringing us together.
By this time, I was down to seeing Dr. Max once every other week. At Christmas, we decided to stop altogether, although he assured me he would see me any time if I needed him. He was a very kind man and I enjoyed talking with him, so, in a way, I missed him, but I never needed to see him again. Thoughts of my suicide were part of my past and no longer part of my future.
Roshan and I had begun to think about applying to colleges and universities. Roshan really wanted to continue studying cello, while I wanted to go into entomology and eventually specialize in lepidoptery. Mom and Dad laughed because, as they said, neither one of us was going into a profession where the odds were good that we’d make a lot of money. We laughed too but stuck to our guns and began researching schools.
One evening, Carl called me. “I just wanted you to know that Father’s out of jail.” I couldn’t think what to say. Finally, Carl asked, “Mitch, are you there?”
“Yeah,” I finally answered. “Do you think he’ll come after me?”
“No, but I think he wants to talk with you about college. At least that’s what he said.”
“I don’t wanna talk with him about college or anything else. I don’t wanna ever see him again.”
“I know, but I think you should at least talk to him. Mitch, he’s changed a lot.”
“I don’t care. I won’t talk with him. But thanks for the heads-up, Carl.”
When we finished talking, I went downstairs and told Mom and Dad what Carl had said. I was surprised they agreed with Carl. They assured me they would stay with me when I met him. I didn’t want to do it because I was afraid all my old feelings of hate and inadequacy would return, but they were insistent, so I finally agreed.
The next night, Father called me and said he wanted to talk about college with me. I told him he could come on Saturday morning and we set a time at 10 o’clock.
Friday night I had a terrible time sleeping. Roshan just cuddled me and tried to reassure me.
The doorbell rang on the dot of 10 the next morning. Dad was with me as I reluctantly opened the door. When I saw Father, my first reaction was a wave of fear, but I was also shocked. He had been a big, strong, healthy man despite all the beer he drank. Now he had aged terribly. He had lost a lot of weight. He was bent over and used a cane. His hair had turned gray.
“Hi, Mitch,” he said. Even his voice had changed. It had been strong and deep. Now, it had a quiver in it, and it was so soft I barely heard him.
“Hi,” I answered and opened the door wider so he could come in without touching me. I led him to the living room, where Mom and Roshan stood. I indicated a chair where he should sit, and I took the one across the room from him.
After a moment, he said to my parents, “Thank you for taking care of Mitch. Could I talk with him alone for a few minutes? I have something private to say.
“No,” Dad said, “you may not be alone with him.” In the past, my father would have become angry. He never would have accepted what Dad said. But now he simply nodded and looked at me. Another twinge of fear went through me, but I knew I was safe with my family around me.
“Mitch, I don’t have the words to tell you how sorry I am. I never realized what I was doing to you. I was trying to make you strong and athletic and I was so fixated on that that I never understood that you couldn’t be that, and I know now that I missed out on the wonderful boy you were. The first time I understood what I had done to you was at the hearing, when your mother, Carl, and you spoke. By the time you spoke, I was in tears, but I know you never looked at me. That’s why I pled guilty; I was guilty.
“Prison is a terrible place, Mitch. Prisoners have no use for a child abuser, and they made that very clear whenever they could get to me. I won’t go into details now. Perhaps someday I will. Can you ever forgive me?”
I could see he was crying, but I said, “No, I don’t think I can, even though I can see that you’ve changed. Too much has happened.”
He nodded. “I know. I know.”
After a pause, he said, “I wanted to talk to you about your plans for college. Can you tell me about them?”
“Not except to say that my family,” and I indicated the three of them, “have it taken care of. I don’t need your money. I don’t need you. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
Mom said quietly, “Mitch.”
I looked at her and said, “Well I don’t. If you don’t approve of that, I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is.” I got up and ran upstairs where I threw myself crying onto my bed.
Soon, I heard the front door close, and a few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. “Go away. I just wanna be alone for a while,” I said.
The door opened and Roshan walked in. He came over, sat beside me on the bed, and began gently rubbing my back. “Nobody disapproves of what you said or how you feel. Mom just wanted to be sure you had thought it through. And we’ve all agreed that nobody in this house ever needs to mention that man again.”
“Thanks,” I said, trying to wipe my tears away. We talked for a while and then went downstairs, where Roshan practiced while I had another cooking lesson. Mom said that I was really getting quite good at it.
The last few days before the end of vacation flew by. Our senior year began pretty much like the others, although now we were the BMOCs. Most of the time, neither of us really acted like that. We just went along doing the same old things.
The big change for us was that by the end of the summer we had both saved enough to buy decent cars, which we did. They gave us the mobility to go farther afield. Of course, for Roshan it meant he could drive to orchestra rehearsals and performances in the city and not depend on a parent to drive him. Orion and I both enjoyed having the freedom to explore new fields and wood as we hunted for insects. Roshan and I could now go out to eat, just the two of us. We enjoyed the time together and thought probably Mom and Dad would enjoy some time alone together.
I had applied to three of the in-state university system schools. Roshan had applied to conservatories in New York, Philadelphia, and Rochester, New York. He had to submit an audition tape to each of them.
After that, all we could do was wait. We had each applied for early admission to one of our schools. On the same day, shortly after December 15, we both received letters from our first-choice schools. We stood there holding the envelopes and looking at each other. There were two choices for each of us. Either we had been accepted or we had been turned down for early admission but kept in the pool for the regular admission.
Hastily and simultaneously, we tore open the envelopes, pulled out the enclosed letters, took deep breaths, and read, before giving yelps of excitement. Roshan had been accepted in New York, and I had been accepted to the University of Massachusetts in Amherst.
When Mom had seen the letters arrive in the mail, she had prepared a very special dinner for us. As we sat dining happily, Dad announced that he had an early Christmas present for us, then went on to say that we were all taking a three-week trip to Spain in the summer.
We were both amazed. We had never thought of that possibility. We thanked them both exuberantly.
That night, we both celebrated in bed as only horny eighteen-year-olds could celebrate, while Orion, who’d heard it all before, sighed and slept on his bed.