Uncle Paul and I took several Explores to the clearing and the stream. We never seemed to go the same way twice, but we always wound up in the clearing with the stream. Teddy went along but didn’t want to get anywhere near the water. I, on the other hand, enjoyed the water and loved to paddle about in it.
One day I asked my uncle if we could build a little dam with rocks to make the water deeper. He agreed, and soon we were enthusiastically gathering rocks and piling them in the stream. We never got it deep enough for swimming, which was fine with me as I didn’t know how to swim, but we did get it deep enough that, when I sat in the water, it came up to my boobies.
I always walked back to the cabin with only my socks and sneakers on. I had discovered that I loved the freedom of being naked, and Teddy never complained.
Soon I began to sleep naked too, enjoying the feeling of the warm air on my skin. That made it easier to access my wee-wee, which I loved to hold and rub. When I got cool, I simply pulled a sheet up over me. Although Uncle Paul knew I slept that way, he never said anything about it.
It was Uncle Paul who told me that my wee-wee was really called a penis. I thought that was a funny-sounding word, and I used to chant pee, pee, penis, when I used the toilet.
One day my uncle told me that my birthday was coming. He asked what I wanted for a present. I had no idea, but I was excited about having ice cream and cake. When I told him that he asked what kind of cake. “Chocolate, of course,” I said.
“And ice cream?”
“Chocolate.”
“Okay, what else would you like to eat?” I asked for my favorite, mac and cheese.
On the day of my birthday, a car pulled up in front of the cabin. A big man got out of the car and came to the door. I was a little afraid of him. He was big ─ both tall and heavy ─ but what scared me was that he was Black. I had occasionally seen a Black man in town when I was with my mother, but I had never met or talked with one.
The man strode into the cabin as though he owned it, and when Uncle Paul greeted him, they kissed! I’m sure I was staring with my mouth open.
The man was holding something behind his back. He turned to me, bent over with his hands on his knees, and handed me a package wrapped in pretty paper. He said, “Happy birthday, Davey.” Then he grinned and said, “Is that why you’re in your birthday suit?” I was confused. I wasn’t in a suit; in fact, I had no clothes on at all.
Uncle Paul laughed. “Darrell, I’m not sure he’s ever heard that term.”
Uncle Paul never really told me who Darrell was, but they clearly knew each other well.
“Have a seat, Darrell,” said my uncle, handing him a bottle of beer.
I guess I should have mentioned that Uncle Paul drinks beer, usually with his supper. I asked him once if I could taste it, and he’d handed me the bottle. I took a big mouthful and then spat it out. It tasted awful!
“Well,” said Darrell, “are you going to open your present?”
I very carefully undid the wrapping paper, spread it flat, and folded it before looking at the box. It had a picture of a dump truck. I opened the box and pulled out the truck. In all my life I’d never had a truck or a car. I put the truck on the floor and began to drive it around the carpet.
“What do you say, Davey?” asked my uncle.
“Thank you, sir,” I said, smiling at Darrell and realizing he no longer scared me.
“You’re very welcome, little fella,” he said. Then, looking at Uncle Paul, he said, “We’ve gotta do something about that ‘sir’ business. Nobody calls me sir.”
“Davey, you can call him Uncle Darrell,” Uncle Paul said.
That rather confused me, because I knew he wasn’t my uncle, but I decided to try it. “Thank you, Uncle Darrell,” I said. He smiled, so that seemed okay. From then on, he was my Uncle Darrell, even though he wasn’t a real uncle.
Then Uncle Paul produced a wrapped package, which was squishy when I squeezed it.
Carefully, I unwrapped it, again flattening and folding the paper. Inside was a little bear, not as big as Teddy and darker.
I held him up and said, “He’s Teddy too.”
“Is that too or two?” asked Uncle Paul, grinning.
This was becoming a very confusing day. I didn’t really understand that there was more than one two/too.
I thought a moment and then said, “Well, my Teddy is Teddy One so this is Teddy Two.” I sat him in the dump truck and gave him a ride around on the carpet. Teddy One was too big to fit, but Two was just right. From then on, he was simply known as Two.
By then I was beginning to get hungry, so I asked, “When’s supper?” I was really looking forward to ice cream and cake.
Uncle Paul said, “Well, I think you should get dressed first.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because we have company and it would be the polite thing to do.”
I didn’t really understand why, but I shrugged, picked up Two, and went into my bedroom, where I introduced my bears to each other. I found my yellow T-shirt, my favorite, and my blue shorts. I put on my underpants and the shirt and shorts, picked up my bears, and went to the Big Room.
There, the two uncles were making supper. I put the bears in chairs, one on either side of me, and then I sat and waited, expectantly.
Uncle Darrell was making a salad. Uncle Paul was cooking steaks. I could smell the mac and cheese heating in the oven.
When everything was ready, Uncle Paul gave me a glass of milk while Uncle Darrell got two beers out of the fridge and opened them.
Uncle Paul spooned mac and cheese on my plate and then put on some salad. He always said that I needed to eat my vegetables.
“Eat up!” said Uncle Paul, and we dug in.
After our eating slowed, Uncle Darrell asked, “So, Davey, how do you like living with your uncle?”
I knew that was a serious question, so I gave it some thought.
“Well,” I said, “when I first came here I was very sad. I missed Mommy and Daddy. I still do, but I’m not as sad now. And I really like Uncle Paul. I like going on Explores with him, and I like that he takes care of me and feeds me and stuff. I didn’t even know I had an Uncle Paul until after the accident, but I’m really glad now that I do.”
“What are Explores?” asked Uncle Darrell.
I described them to him and he said they sounded like fun, so I decided that we should take him on one if he were still with us the next day.
When Uncle Paul said that it was time for dessert, Uncle Darrell spooned out a big scoop of chocolate ice cream and placed it before me. Then my uncles disappeared into Uncle Paul’s room for a minute. When they came out, they were singing Happy Birthday. Uncle Paul was carrying a cake with six lighted candles on it. He put it down in front of me as they finished the song.
“Make a wish and blow out the candles,” said Uncle Paul.
I thought a moment, made a wish, and blew hard, extinguishing all the candles with one breath. It was then that I noticed a big six in the middle of the chocolate frosting.
It was the best birthday ever.
By the time I went to bed I was full of food, and tired from all the excitement. Uncle Paul tucked me in, said, “Goodnight,” and, for the first time, kissed me on my forehead.
It didn’t take long after he’d closed my door that Teddy, Two, and I were fast asleep.
In the middle of the night I was awakened by groans and cries coming from my uncle’s bedroom. I grabbed Teddy and Two. I opened my door and listened for a moment, standing naked in the doorway.
The cries and groans continued, and I was so scared I began shaking.
I yelled, “Uncle Paul, are you okay?”
The sounds stopped, and a moment later my uncle’s door opened. He was only wearing his boxers. He was sweaty and he looked confused.
“What do you want?” he asked.
“Um,” I said, still shaking. “It sounded like you were being hurt.”
I heard a laugh from inside his room, and then he grinned at me.
“We were only having some fun,” he said.
“It didn’t sound like fun,” I said, doubtfully. “
Well, it was,” he said. “Look, Davey, Uncle Darrell and I really love each other, and we’d never do anything to hurt one another.”
I wasn’t convinced. “It certainly sounded like you were hurting each other,” I said.
“Well, we weren’t.” He took my hand and said, “Come on, let’s get you back to bed.” He led me into my bedroom. I climbed into bed and he tucked me in, giving me another kiss on my forehead. As he went out my door, he said, “Good night. Sweet dreams.”
That’s what Mommy always said, I thought. Then I snuggled down placing Teddy, and Two beside me and we went back to sleep.
In the morning, Teddy, Two, and I went into the kitchen where the uncles were making breakfast.
As I climbed into my chair, I said, “You told me that you two love each other.”
“That’s right,” said Uncle Paul.
“Do you love me?” He was silent for a moment before saying, “Yes, in a different sort of way.”
“How is it different?”
“Well, there are different kinds of love. I love you very much, like you were my own son. Uncle Darrell and I love each other as two grownups do.”
“Two men can really love each other?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said.
I didn’t really know what to do with that information, so I just sat, thinking.
Uncle Darrell put a big pancake on my plate and asked if I wanted maple syrup on it. When I nodded, he poured some as I asked, “Do you love me, Uncle Darrell?”
“I don’t know you well enough yet, but I hope we can learn to love each other.”
After breakfast, the uncles went into the bedroom to get dressed, while I talked with my bears. Two said he was too young to understand love, but Teddy said he had always loved me.
When I went outside, it was a little cool, but not cold enough for me to want clothes, so I just had my socks and sneakers on.
“Let’s go on an Explore,” said Uncle Paul, coming out the door. He and Uncle Darrell, the bears and I headed to the edge of the woods.
As we walked, Uncle Darrell said to me, “I have an idea, Davey. Why don’t we just drop the word Uncle from my name and you just call me Darrell?”
I had to think about that. I had never called a grownup by their first name before.
“Good idea,’ said Uncle Paul, “and you could just call me Paul.”
So from then on I knew them as just Darrell and Paul.
When we got near the clearing, Paul motioned for us to stop.
“Look,” he whispered.
I looked into the clearing and saw three deer grazing on the grass and weeds. We stood silently, watching them. They looked like a mother and two younger ones. When they finished eating, they all walked down to the stream and took long drinks. I wondered if they would come back towards us, but instead they crossed the stream and walked into the woods on the other side.
When they were gone realized I’d been holding my breath. I couldn’t have been holding it the whole time, but maybe my breathing just slowed way down.
I took a deep breath and said, “Wow.”
“Do you know what baby deer are called?” Paul asked.
I shook my head.
“They’re called fawns.”
“Was the big one their mother?” I asked.
“Probably,” he said.
We sat on the grass near the stream and ate our lunch. I shared mine with Teddy and Two.
When I finished eating, I asked if I could go in the stream. Paul stood up and steadied me as I climbed down the bank.
Sitting in the stream, I thought the water had gone down some. I mentioned that to Paul later and he said, “Or maybe you grew some.” I hadn’t thought of that.
As always, I enjoyed the feeling of the water flowing over me. I splashed a little while the two men sat on the bank and talked.
In a while, the water began to make me cold, so I climbed back out and lay in the sun, enjoying its warmth and the light breeze breathing over me.
The men continued to talk, and I realized they were making plans for Darrell to move into our cabin.
Later we walked back to the cabin. I was between the two men. Paul was carrying Teddy and Darrell was carrying Two. They were each holding one of my hands.
I looked up at Darrell and asked, “Did you like our Explore?”
“Oh, yes,” he said. “I hope we can go on a lot of them.”
“Me too,” I said.
As we sat at supper that night, Paul said, “Davey, next week you will begin going to school.”
That was a shock. I hadn’t thought about going anywhere. I liked it where I was, in the cabin with my two uncles.
Seeing my face, he said, “You’ll like it. You’ll learn all kinds of new things, and you’ll make lots of friends.”
“But where will you and Darrell be?” I asked. “
Right here, probably,” he said.
“Don’t you have to go to work?”
“No,” he said, “I don’t have a job. When my father died, he left me a great deal of money, so I don’t have to work. It was he who built the cabin and owned all the land around it. He usually came here only in the summers, but when I moved in I added heat for the winters.”
I thought for a moment before asking, “What if I don’t like school?”
“You will,” he said. “It will all be new to you at first, but I know you like to learn things. You’ll learn to read and find out how numbers work.”
“Why can’t you and Darrell teach me?”
“Because teachers are trained to teach. They can do a much better job. Besides, I think it’s time you had some friends your own age.
As I lay in bed that night, I wondered what school would be like. Of course, I had heard of schools and teachers. Would I like it? Would I like the other children? Paul seemed to think I would, but I wasn’t sure.