Charlie visited Jared every day. He didn’t stay for a long time because he didn’t want to tire him, but Jared always greeted him with a smile.
The Williamses had hired round-the-clock nursing for Jared as he grew weaker.
Ben was an enthusiastic photographer. He had several cameras and usually took numerous pictures, to the point where sometimes the rest of the family grew a little tired of it. Charlie asked him to find pictures of him and Jared together as well as pictures of just Jared. It took a few days for Ben to winnow down the photos he had, but he eventually gave Charlie two copies of pictures showing the two boys together which had been taken just a year earlier. He also found a nice photo of Jared alone and gave Charlie two copies of that. Then he put together a photo album of the boys which began shortly after Charlie moved to Truro.
Charlie drove to Chatham and picked up some frames for the photos. He put one set on his desk and took the other to Jared.
When he presented the photos and the album, Jared looked at him and began to cry.
“Why are you crying?” Charlie asked. “I’d hoped these would make you happy.”
“They do,” replied Jared. “I guess these are tears of happiness you’re seeing.”
The two cried together for a few minutes. When they had gotten control of themselves, Jared rang his bell once, telling Charlie that one ring summoned his mother while two rings called a nurse.
“Look what Charlie brought,” said Jared when his mother came into the room.
“Oh, they’re beautiful,” she said, hugging Charlie. “Thank you so much.”
Through the next few weeks of summer, Charlie continued to visit. If Jared was asleep, Charlie sat in the living room and tried to read until Jared woke up.
As the summer progressed, the waiting grew longer. Mrs. Williams told Charlie that Jared was on pain killers, so he dozed much of the time.
Charlie observed that in addition to sleeping more, Jared was losing weight, so much so that none of his clothes fit. Jared told him that he couldn’t really swallow anymore, so the only nutrition he was getting was through his IV.
Although Charlie didn’t see nearly as much of Ethan as he had planned to, Ethan completely understood and encouraged Charlie to keep visiting as long as he could.
One day in mid-August, when Charlie entered the room, Jared looked up from his bed. At first he didn’t seem to recognize his visitor, but when Charlie spoke, Jared smiled and held out his hand.
“Come here,” he said. “Sit on the bed and give me a kiss.”
Charlie did as he was told. When he kissed Jared, he realized that the boy’s lips were cold and dry.
“Thank you,” said Jared. He was quiet for a few minutes and then said quietly, “Charlie, they tell me I’m probably not gonna make it through the night.
“Don’t be sad,” he continued, “I’m ready to go. I’m tired of being sick and in pain. I just want it to end.”
“Are you in pain now?” Charlie asked. In all the time he’d visited, Jared hadn’t said a word about pain, in fact, he had never complained about anything.
“To be honest, yes. I wouldn’t let the nurse give me pain meds until I’d seen you.”
Jared dozed off for a brief time before his eyes opened again.
“Thank you for coming every day. I know it’s been hard, but I really love your loyalty and friendship. I’m going where I won’t be sick anymore, Charlie, and there won’t be pain.”
Charlie just nodded, wondering if Jared believed in heaven.
He sat with Jared for a while as the boy seemed to fade in and out of consciousness.
At last, Jared said, “I need my pain meds. It’s getting too bad.” He rang the bell twice and a nurse came in. Jared told her what he wanted, and she prepared a syringe, shooting something into her patient’s IV.
“Kiss me one last time,” Jared said.
Charlie did as tears streamed down both their faces, and Jared said, “Goodbye, Charlie. Thanks for being you.” His voice began to fade as almost immediately he was asleep.
The phone call which Charlie was dreading came the next morning while he was in his bedroom. Without answering, he knew what he was going to hear, but he answered anyway.
“Jared died in the night,” Mrs. Williams said. “It was very peaceful and… and he’s not in pain any longer.” Without waiting for an answer, she hung up.
Charlie screamed, “NO…O…O…!” and threw his phone against the wall, as all the fear and sadness and sense of loss welled up inside him.
Hearing the commotion, Ben raced up the stairs, threw open the bedroom door without knocking, and seized Charlie in a bear hug. He didn’t need to ask what had happened; he knew.
“Shhh,” he whispered over and over in Charlie’s ear.
Very slowly, Charlie stopped screaming and began to calm down. Ben helped him sit on the bed, sitting beside him with his arm around his son’s shoulders.
After some more time to calm down, Charlie said, “I…I…I think I broke my phone.”
“That’s no problem,” replied his dad. “Phones can always be replaced.”
Charlie just nodded a little, saying, “But Jared can’t.”
“I know. I know,” Ben said gently, almost as though he were purring.
“It’s not fair,” said Charlie.
“No, it’s not,” replied Ben.
“No kid should die that young.”
“You’re right, but unfortunately, children do. There’s an old cliché that says, ‘Life’s not fair’. That saying may be worn out but it’s still true.”
Charlie nodded. “What am I gonna do without him?”
“You’re going to go on and live your life. You know he’d want you to.”
Again, Charlie nodded. “I think I need to be alone for a while now.”
“Sure,” said Ben. “You know where I am if you need me.”
Later, Joey knocked on the door and entered the room. Saying nothing, he sat on the bed beside his brother and draped an arm over Charlie’s shoulder. He was sad too, but at that moment he just wanted to comfort his older brother.
Charlie looked at him and gave him a weak smile as he put an arm around Joey and pulled him into a hug. They sat that way for a few minutes, not saying anything, until Joey kissed Charlie on the cheek, rose, and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
Later in the day, Mr. Williams called Ben and asked if he could send a copy of the image file for Jared’s picture, saying that they wanted to enlarge one for the memorial.
Jared had told his parents that he wanted to be cremated and his ashes scattered in the ocean. He said he didn’t want a funeral, but he wanted his friends to gather and just say goodbye. That’s what the memorial became. There were no prayers, because Jared hadn’t wanted any. The memorial was held in the elementary school gym, it being the only place in town large enough to hold the expected gathering.
Charlie was asked if he wanted to say anything at the memorial. Although he didn’t want to and was afraid he’d break out crying, he agreed to say just a little something.
At the memorial a few days later, the gym was packed with Jared’s school friends and their parents. The Williamses had displayed the enlarged photo of Jared. Charlie had written out what he wanted to say because he knew that was the only way he’d get through it. He talked about first meeting Jared and riding on the bus with him. He talked about them becoming friends, about how Jared was the first boy he’d ever kissed, and about how he’d loved Jared, even after they broke up. He spoke about the courage that Jared had shown in his final weeks.
When Charlie went to sit down, he could see that a lot of people were in tears.
There was a reception planned in the rear of the gym. It was crowded with people, some of whom looked through the photo album Ben had made, which was displayed on a table. Everyone was telling stories of their memories of Jared. Some were serious; some were funny. At first people were reluctant to laugh, but soon everyone was chuckling over one story or another.
Ethan was there even though he didn’t know Jared well. Charlie had asked him to be there. When they met, Ethan said quietly, “What you said was beautiful, Charlie. I hope Jared heard it.”
As they hugged, Charlie said, “I need you, Ethan.”
“I’m here,” Ethan replied. “Why don’t you come to my house tomorrow?”
Charlie nodded and they parted.
Charlie had no idea how Jared’s parents had the strength to get through the memorial and the reception, and he said as much to them.
“Charlie,” Mrs. Williams said, “we’re trying to focus on the good years that Jared had and on the joy he brought us. We think of him now as being in a safe, painless place and we celebrate not his death, but his life. You need to do the same.”
Then she asked Charlie a question that shook him. “Would you like to go with us when we scatter Jared’s ashes, Charlie?”
Charlie thought a moment before saying, “Yes, I think I would.”
Lying awake that night, Charlie couldn’t stop thinking about Jared. In truth he was beginning to say goodbye, a process which would take more than one night.
The next morning, Charlie drove to Ethan’s home. Ethan took him quietly upstairs and Charlie said, “Just hold me.”
They hugged and then moved to the bed. There was no thought of sex, but they removed their T-shirts and lay face to face, just holding each other.
“I miss him so,” Charlie finally said.
Ethan hugged him tighter and for a long time neither of them said a word.
At last, Ethan broke the hug and asked, “Did you eat any breakfast?”
“Not really.”
“Then let’s go downstairs. You can’t starve yourself.”
As they sat eating roast beef sandwiches and drinking Cokes, Charlie said, “I don’t understand how people get over this. I wasn’t even this sad when my parents died.”
“I think time will help,” Ethan replied, thoughtfully. “I do think you’ll get beyond it, although you’ll always remember him with love. Give it time.”
When Charlie left in the late afternoon, he was feeling a little better.
In the evening, Rodney suggested that Charlie drink a glass of wine to settle him some. Charlie actually drank two before going up to bed. He was exhausted, and he fell into a deep sleep as soon as his head hit his pillow.
Two days later, Mrs. Williams called to tell Charlie they were going out in the boat that day. She didn’t have to say why.
Charlie met them at the dock, climbed into the boat, and they motored out into the ocean. When Mr. Williams put the boat in idle, Mrs. Williams took the urn with the ashes in it and moved to the side of the boat, along with her husband and Charlie. He had never seen a cremation urn before but knew immediately what it was.
They took turns scattering Jared’s ashes, each taking a moment before they did to say a final goodbye to Jared.
They were silent on the way back to the harbor. Charlie cried some and then notice that Jared’s parents were crying too.
On the dock they hugged goodbye. Mrs. Williams asked Charlie to visit them from time to time and he agreed. He drove home, went up to his room, and lay on his bed, simply thinking about all that had happened.